Why I Cut My Hair.

Ever since I was tiny I hated the idea of having short hair. My sisters both grew up to have lovely thick hair because they constantly had it cut short as young children; however, I refused to allow my mum to have my hair cut short because I hated it. 
 I think there is about a 2 year period when I look back in photo albums when, at the age of about 10, my hair was cut short because it was so fine that the ends just looked awful. 

 I've always taken really good care of my hair to make sure I never had to cut it again. I use products such as Moroccan Oil that keep it soft and strong and I never straighten my hair. However, I do get highlights done but this has never been much of a problem for me. 
 Over the last 12 months however, because I have always taken such good care of my hair, I have been volunteered to model my hair for my work. I work at a hair salon and so I allowed my hair to be coloured and styled for all sorts of events from hair shows to open evenings. Due to my hair not being used to such pampering, this was a big mistake. 

You can see here how bad the damage was.

 I remember the last time I had highlights done and I suppose my hair had just had enough! I woke up the next day with a ball of frizzy, damaged, burned hair sticking out of the side of my head. I was mortified. I tried combing it out but the hair was so crinkled that this just broke off at the ends. I decided to massage conditioner into the mess and tie it up for the day. When I washed the conditioner out that evening, the frizzy ball seemed to have revered itself but my hair was never the same after that. 

 For the last few months I have been battling to undo the damage. I've tried all sorts of damage repairing shampoos and treatments. Nothing worked. My lovely, healthy hair was gone. My boss cut out a good few inches of my hair which terrified me but it seemed to help. I still had horrible, dry bits of hair on my head but having it cut seemed to improve the feel of it. 

Since the cut, I'd been battling with my hair further and just got fed up. I was either pulling it back into a pony tail or pulling the front back into a half up-do type thing so the damage was hidden and I just started to think 'What's the point?' Why have long hair that you hate?

I CUT MY HAIR!

 So I decided to face my fear. It was a bit of a swift decision. I didn't ponder over it too much, I just said one day: 'I'm gonna cut my hair, I'm just gonna cut it all off' and that's I did. 

 The feel of my hair is just so much better. It looks healthier and I don't have to worry about it anymore. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted. 

 If you hate your hair and aren't sure what to do with it, my advice to you is just to take a risk. I used to hate the idea of having short hair but I don't think I've ever loved my hair more! I am so glad I did it!

 Don't forget to follow my blog on google+ and feel free to share any problems you have with your hair in the comments, I'm sure somebody will have some great advice for you:)

I love my hair now:)

Goodnight, Chloe x.

Panic Attacks Suck.

I don't usually write posts like this anywhere on the Internet because I'm not very good at handling the 'you're an attention seeker' comments that you inevitably get from them. If you are reading this and thinking horrible things like that about me as you do, please refrain from judging me until you get to the end because I'm trying to help people and I'm going to round this up in a way that might make people feel better. 

 As most of you know, I am a musician and on Friday I was supposed to be playing a fairly big gig at a lovely pub about an hours drive from where I live. There were about 200 people there and I was really excited for it because I haven't played a proper gig since the beginning of December because I was poorly over Christmas and had to cancel a gig on the 28th. However; in the car on the way over I had a massive panic attack. It was one of the horrible ones that take forever to actually hit you but I was so focused on trying to stop it that I couldn't tell anyone. It started in my fingers as my hands began to go numb and then, by the time it hit me and I started hyperventilating, my hands and arms were so numb that I couldn't even wiggle my fingers to get the feeling back. Seeing as I had to be at the venue to play at 8 and it was about 7:50 when my parents had to pull over in the car to help me, I couldn't play. I stayed at the venue to watch all the other acts anyway because I wanted to give my support and avoid getting back into the car for as long as possible because being a passenger in a car makes me feel so uncomfortable anyway, especially when I'm feeling anxious. 

 I'm very conscious of letting people down and I hate feeling like I've been an inconvenience to somebody so I was very apologetic to the lovely guy running the evening. We had a lovely conversation over facebook yesterday where he told me that he recognised my symptoms as soon as he saw me and he admired me for staying to support everyone else. When my parents went to speak to him to tell him I couldn't play they just told him I wasn't feeling well because people tend to freak out as soon as they know someones having a panic attack; knowing that he understood and that he was so supportive really made me feel 100x times better the next day because usually I feel very down for the next few days after an anxiety attack. I feel even worse if it means I have to cancel a gig. 

 I've been having panic attacks since I was 12. That's 4 years. My parents have known about it for about 8 months. It was about 18 months before I knew what these 'episodes' were and that was only because I saw a video that Zoe Sugg (Zoella) made on YouTube explaining the symptoms of panic attacks and I realised that what she was describing was exactly what I was having. I still didn't tell anyone because I didn't think anyone would believe me. The only reason people know about my anxiety is because I had a panic attack in a drama lesson last spring whilst we were watching a very graphic reenactment of a car crash. I panicked, hyperventilated and ended up passing out from lack of oxygen. It was the most horrific experience of my life; not only because it was happening but because people were watching it happen and I couldn't hide it anymore. But funnily enough, I am kind of thankful for it. Due to not being able to hide it anymore, that meant I had to explain to my classmates what had happened. Obviously, in secondary school, rumours about drama like that spread like wildfire and so I had to talk about it a lot to clear up what people were saying. (Some people thought I had been possessed by the devil. I still don't really understand that one either.) Furthermore, from having to talk to people about what actually happened, more and more people said to me that it had happened to them too. For the first time I didn't feel weird. I'm not weird. 

 I now have friends that I know suffer from anxiety too. There's this one girl that always talks to me about her panic attacks after she's had them and I talk to her about mine too. One thing I've found really helps me is to explain what happened to my body and when. Like I have done here, I wrote that I lost the feeling in my fingers first and then my whole arms. It really helps to try to remember what happened to your body and what you did to feel better. It helps you come to terms with whatever triggered the attack. 

 In this post I've talked a lot about cars and how uncomfortable I feel in them. Also, my major panic attack was triggered by watching a car crash happen. You're probably thinking I was in some kind of accident and I'm having panic attacks due to the trauma I experienced. You're wrong. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. That's the one thing I struggle the most with now. After 4 years, actually having the attacks isn't the worst part for me. I've gotten used to the fact that they are a part of my life and I know how to breathe and how to recover. The worst part for me is not knowing why. I hate not knowing why I'm scared of cars. I hate not knowing why I don't like meeting new people or why I don't like ordering my own food in restaurants. I hate not knowing why I don't like leaving the house by myself or why I hate staying over at friends houses. I hate not knowing why the idea of flying on a plane makes my palms sweat. It's so hard to understand anxiety when you don't know why you're scared of those things. Some people do suffer from anxiety because of a traumatic event but some people just suffer from anxiety. It's vitally important to understand people's triggers and be respectful of them because we're not all the same. 

 The last thing I want to write about is just to not punish yourself for you anxiety. Like I mentioned before: I always feel really down for days after I have a panic attack for a multitude of reasons. However, I've come to the conclusion recently that I deserve to be comfortable with my anxiety. It's bad enough that I have to sacrifice the minutes that I'm having the attacks and the evenings or days afterwards that I feel anxious for. I shouldn't have to feel like I can't carry on as normal just because I've had a panic attack. I often wonder why the attack sticks in your mind for so long after it happens. Aside from the fact that they're pretty traumatic, why does it take so long to let go of the individual attack? 

 My goal for the next time I suffer from an anxiety attack is to try to let go as quickly as possible and just carry on. I'm going to let myself laugh and not think that I have to sit and be depressed for a few days just because I've had that horrible experience. 

 If you suffer from anxiety too, whether its actual panic attacks or whether you suffer from stress and worry, please comment below your stories if you feel like you want to share them or even you're coping strategies. The main thing I want you to take from this post is that it really does help to talk about it. I'm so thankful that I know so many people that are going through the same thing but I know often people don't so if you want to share your experiences anonymously, please do not hesitate to message me on tumblr on anonymous and tell me your story: www.chloehanksmusic.tumblr.com and I will help as much as I can! :)

Have a lovely day, Chloe x.   

Book Review | Girl Online by Zoe Sugg.

I received this book for Christmas and couldn't wait to read it. I had highly anticipated it and made myself wait for Christmas day rather than go out and buy it myself. I fell ill over the holidays and so I was given perfect opportunity to read it!

 The book is about a young girl who suffers from anxiety attacks after being in a car accident. The story follows her journey as she copes with her anxiety by documenting it on a blog much like this one. It is nicely rounded up after she falls in love and ends up being exposed from her anonymous blog. The book has a very powerful but clear message about the way bloggers and YouTubers can be treated by their viewers which, as we all know, is a subject very close to Zoe's heart. 

 There was a lot of bad press received by Zoe herself after the book was released. People claimed that she didn't write the book herself and that she had 'lied' to her fans. This made me very angry right from the start because people have such little empathy for somebody who has given them so much. Of course Zoe received help with structuring and writing her book. She makes YouTube videos and writes a fantastic blog but she's never written a novel before! It angered me that people really expected her to just know how to write a best selling book right from the word go. I'm pretty sure that nobody on this earth could write their first novel completely by themselves without any help from outsiders at all given the fact that they have never written anything like that before in their entire lives. 


 The main issue covered by the book were that of suffering from anxiety which some of you will know is something I have suffered from and am suffering from now. Reading the story of this girl who I strongly believe is based on Zoe herself really helped me even though I thought I had come to terms with having panic attacks a very long time ago. The book subtly exposes the reader to some strategies to do with coping with anxiety and minimizing your chances of anxiety attacks even when they have already started. This for me was an incredible guide and I paid attention to every single word. It comforts me to know that this book is out there for people who are just begging to suffer from anxiety and that they can know right from the off how to deal with it and who to get help from. I think it was very brave of Zoe to give such a personal aspect to the character 'Penny' especially when Zoe finds it so hard to illustrate her anxiety to the public. This is one of the many reasons I was so defensive of Zoe when people claimed it 'wasn't her book' 

 Zoe wrote a blog post shortly after the book was released about being kind to people online and some of the horrible comments herself and her friends receive on a daily bases. I read this blog post before I read the book and was certain it had been written as a response to the hateful comments people had been making about Zoe using a Ghost Writer. After finishing the book and read the ending I realised it was so much deeper than that. The character 'Penny' is exposed to the public after writing an anonymous blog for years due to being romantically   involved with an up and coming musician without knowing his celebrity status. Penny is attacked constantly over a few day period online via her blog and celebrity gossip sites. I really feel like this book was a way for Zoe to stand up, not only for herself and her YouTube friends, but for every single person that is bullied online. The message is a powerful one that I didn't anticipate at all. When reading it I no longer felt like I was reading from the point of view of a fictional character; I felt very strongly that Zoe and Penny are the same person and that message was coming straight from Zoe herself. Again, proof that she, of course, wrote her book. I am so thankful that she included that message in her book because it really bothers me how rude and arrogant people can be to the people that sacrifice their privacy and security to give us videos and medium that we enjoy and don't always appreciate. I again think it was extremely brave of Zoe to make such a statement. 

 The book is written very coherently. It was very easy to read, there wasn't any jumping backwards and forwards in time which I always enjoy because it's simpler to understand. Zoe paid key attention to developing characters and I loved how she inserted the blog posts into the book. Each one was necessary to the story line which helped the story move on a lot quicker. It's one of those books that is constantly moving forward and so you never get bored of reading it. It's the kind of book I could and definitely will read over and over again because it is just so powerful and so touching. I know Zoe is making plans for a sequel which I cannot wait for!

 If you haven't read 'Girl Online' yet I seriously urge you to get a copy. It is appropriate for younger readers but thoroughly enjoyed by a 16 year old too;)
 I hope you're enjoying the beginning of 2015. I know I am. Make sure to follow my blog on google+ for more product reviews and a January Online Shopping Haul coming very soon!
Goodnight, Chloe x.

Competition.

The whole world is full of competition. In a way it seems wrong, to constantly be at war with ourselves and the world around us; however, I think we would all fall apart without it. 

 I know so many people who constantly feel in competition not only with others but even with themselves. In some ways it can be really unhealthy to feel at such an extent that you're not good enough; you end up loathing yourself. I used to absolutely torture myself with pictures of 'perfect' girls and celebrities begging myself to be 'more like them.' It was only a few years ago, when my music really started to take off and I found some decent friends, that I realised I didn't need to be more like anybody except myself. Finding who you are is a key factor in becoming self confident. 

 Insecurities are deadly little monsters that live inside every single human being's brain. Everyone has days where they feel like they're not as good as other people and do you know what? I think that is absolutely as healthy as getting your 5 a day. I can honestly say I would hate to be 100% comfortable with every single aspect of my life. Just think about it, without some sort of insecurity you would have no goals, no aspirations, nothing to work for or to gain. We need to have that little 'niggle' in the back of our minds to keep us going and to push us forwards. It's important. 

 Speaking mainly to girls here (sorry boys.) I think everybody, regardless of age or school or hobby or any other contributing factor, knows that 'Perfect Girl.' You know, the one with the flawless instagram feed with 1000's of followers and she gets 100's of likes on each picture. The one whose tumblr account gets hundreds of asks per day about how flawless she is. The one who can draw perfectly or always wears the most precise cat flick eyeliner you have ever seen in your entire life. But do you know something, that 'Perfect Girl.' hasn't the slightest notion that she is the 'Perfect Girl.' I will bet you any money that she sits on instagram looking at pictures of Mila Kunis sobbing into ice cream and writing into a journal about how she will never be as perfect as her. That is because she will have insecurities too, everyone does. I will also bet you that there is some girl at your school flicking through your facebook photos right now wishing she could be more like you. It's a teenage cycle and it will never ever change. And believe me, I know how frustrating it is to see a girl who is everything you want to be but everything that you will never be and the easiest thing to do is just hate that girl with every fibre of your being, but that only makes you more miserable. 

 I still remember the day my mother pointed out to me that celebrity images were 'air brushed.' Not that 11 year old me understood what air brushing was. We were in the car, parked in a car park somewhere waiting for something, I was looking at the cover of Pixie Lott's album 'Turn It Up' that we were obsessed with that month. I must have mentioned something about how perfect she looked and how flawless her skin was and my mum said to me 'It's only because it's airbrushed, I bet she has spots.' And to be completely honest, I didn't understand nor care, and I carried on being mesmerised by how perfect these celebrities were. I also remember when I reached the age of 13 and realised that the reason my girl friends on facebook were getting 200+ likes on pictures was because of an app called Picnik. You could go on and airbrush your own photos and add filters and all sorts. I tried it and was hooked. I refused to post any 'selfie' without first giving it a thorough once over on Picnik to make sure I looked 'flawless.' This then led to another belt of low self esteem when I still didn't get as many likes as my friends. It's only now that I look back in horror of how much the media is taking over the way we feel about ourselves. It's bad enough that we were forced to look at images of impossibly perfect celebrities but now we have to make ourselves look a fake kind of perfect too? It's as if we are being given the tools to completely tear apart the idea of self confidence and natural beauty. 

 The past few years I've become much less interested about how I appear on social media. I don't put as much effort into it because it really doesn't matter to me anymore. Once you find people who like you for who you are, it doesn't matter as much what people think of the 'online' version of yourself. I now use social media to promote my music more than anything else. I don't really worry about not being good enough anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still have my 'I'm worthless' days/weeks where I think about nothing else apart from how everyone else is prettier/more talented/funnier/more what ever else you can think of, than me. In fact, it was one of those days that inspired this blog post. However, I don't ever really act on it. I hardly ever spend much time editing photos anymore and if I do it's only because I quite enjoy doing it. I don't sit for hours with the 'blemish fix' tool editing out that one beauty spot that I hate with a passion. It just seems pointless to me when I could be writing a song in that time or learning a new cover. If you can find the things that you're good at, rather than fussing over the things that other people are naturally good at, you will become much more confident in yourself. I guarantee you that. 

 Some people are naturally good at posing in pictures. Some people are naturally very good at art. Some people are crazy talented when it comes to acting or film production. There's a quote from Albert Einstein that says  "everybody is genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid." I think it could be applied here. The point I'm trying to make is that, if you spend hours torturing yourself because somebody else is better than you at something, you're making things so much worse for yourself. That same person probably spends hours looking at something you can do and wishing they could be more like you. It's almost like a really famous actor telling themselves they're talent-less because Leonardo Divinci was better at painting than them! You have talents and they have talents and we are all special in our own rights.

What I would like for you do is this: Comment in the space below one thing that you can do really well. One thing you're proud of no matter how big or small. Then next time you find yourself staring at that 'Perfect Girl' on instagram I want you to turn off your phone and spend some time working on whatever that talent is. We meet no ordinary people in this life, if you give them a chance everyone has something special to offer. 

Goodnight, Chloe x.

2014 Review | Welcoming The New Year.

Last December, I decided that 2013 had been one of the best years I'd ever had and so I decided to write a post on my Tumblr (chloehanksmusic.tumblr.com) that went over all of the things that had happened and just showed some appreciation of all the people I had been involved with that year. Lots of my Tumblr followers asked if I would be doing that again this year so I decided to do it on my blog so that I can write it up properly and share it with all of the people that follow me. 

2014 actually began pretty negatively. In hindsight it seems clear to me that it was actually one of the best things to happen to me in my whole life because it meant that I didn't waste any more time on somebody who didn't think twice about me. I've progressed so much this year that it isn't even a painful memory anymore. All of the thoughts and feelings associated with  Jan/Feb 2014 are so insignificant now that I don't even wish it never happened like I used to. In fact, I'm so thankful that it did happen. However; of course at the time it was devastating and I was certain that I was going to have one of the worst years of my life. It all led to me writing this song: Shoebox. What I learnt from this is that the people you always thought you'd need to exist don't always matter as much as you think; whereas, the people you never expected to love mean the most. 

 During the whole 'dusting yourself off' process, I decided I needed to prioritise what really mattered to me and what didn't matter as much. I decided that music meant more to me than anyone I was surrounded by at that time. I'd been wanting to get out and play gigs for years but had never really had the opportunity. I had to swallow my pride a little bit and literally beg pubs and lounges that run acoustic nights to let me play. I got to play my first proper set at a lovely pub in Alcester and received so much support it was a little bit overwhelming. As a result of this, I got the ball rolling and was soon playing at little acoustic gigs pretty much every few weeks. I'm so proud that I managed to get my first few gigs myself and didn't have to rely on anybody else. 

The Old Thatch Tavern - Stratford-UponAvon. 

One of my favourite places to play will always be The Thatch in Stratford. It has such a lovely atmosphere and has always been a wonderful evening for everyone involved. 

Meanwhile, my YouTube channel has really taken off in the last year since I made it nearly 2 years ago. I used my Tumblr to promote my videos as much as possible and I now have several videos up that have 1000+ views. This may not seem much to some people but I have worked so hard to get to that amount and it means the world. 

 I did a cover of the 1975's Chocolate back in February that was reblogged by a wonderful young lady, Tally who runs the tumblr page 'Cloudy Dreamers'. My video wouldn't have received nearly as many views without this lady so make sure you check out her account if you're a tumblr user. 

 Having been playing here and there for a few months, when it came to the summer months I was desperate to play a music festival. I was put in touch with an absolutely amazing musician: Chris Wright  and we got together and learnt a few songs to play together at Welfest. It is a festival near Stratford. It was an amazing day and led to one of the most valued friendships I have ever had. Chris is awesome and I've learnt so much from him since we met last May. We went to the beach together and filmed a cover of a song from my favourite TV show, Nashville: A Life That's Good. 

Welfest 2014. 

Brooklyn Rose, Chris Wright & Chloe Hanks.

 I was having such a good few months that I was desperate to let go of all the negative feelings I had been carrying with me since January. I wrote a song called Miss You to let out all the frustration and then I was ready to move on and let go. It's probably my favourite song I have ever written and after playing it for Chris we decided to record it properly. I have played the song at every single gig I have played since and people seem to really enjoy it which makes me very happy! 

 I also got to play an amazing gig at Fat Lil's acoustic lounge in June. I was thrilled to be invited to play as it was a venue I had always wanted to play at! From playing this gig I was also offered a slot to play on a radio show called 'The Strummer Room Project' which was an amazing experience and I received some amazing feedback from it. 

 Chris and I played another festival together at the beginning of my summer holiday supporting my dad's band 'Zool' and afterwards Chris offered to record a Demo CD with me. This was so amazing of him to do and it also meant I got to spend my whole summer holiday of school with my best friend doing what we both love to do most: make music! We recorded 3 tracks for the CD, all of which sound very different and I'm proud of each one in different ways. 
 During this time Chris took me busking in Witney which I had previously been terrified to do! We had so much fun and I have gone busking 3 times since which wouldn't have happened without Chris so make sure you check out his page because he's awesome. 

First time busking.

In October, I was lucky enough to go and see the amazing Ed Sheeran because my wonderful friend Matt brought me tickets for my birthday! It was an amazing experience and I will never be able to repay Matt for that memory. Ed is an incredible musician and such an inspiration to me. 


 By October, I was able to release the CD and it's doing very very well! I'm so proud of it and so thankful to Chris for producing such an amazing CD. I live in awe of this guys talent. 

My First Demo CD

The last few months my music has been very inspired by my idol, Taylor Swift's new album. I posted a quick cover on my soundcloud of my favourite track: I Know Places.  It is literally a 1 minute recording I did on my bathroom floor but it has 2.3K plays and has exceeded the maximum amount of downloads per track and so I'm very excited about that!;)

My songwriting has been at a bit of a standstill lately as I've been wanting to write a different kind of music. I've been writing lyrics the past few months but haven't put them to music yet. I happened to mention to Chris that I wanted to learn to play piano and so, because he's such a wonderful man whom I'm very lucky to have met, he managed to get me one for Christmas! I also received a Baritone Ukulele that I cannot wait to learn to play. Hopefully the new year will bring to you a lot more original material. 

So that leads us to New Years. It's been the best year for me personally and musically. I've met some amazing people and wouldn't change anything even if I could. I've never really made new years resolutions but I'm going to this year because this is the second year in a row that I have had an amazing year and wished I had documented more of it. So, my new years resolutions are: 1. To keep posting on this blog about my life and things that have happened. 2. to learn to play keyboard as well as I can. 3. To make sure everyone in my life knows how amazing and important they are. 

Make sure you let me know what your New Years Resolutions are in the comments and share with everyone what the highlights of your year have been! Make sure to follow my blog to hear more updates about the next year of my life:) 

Big love to you all, Chloe. x 

Security Blankets.

Good evening my lovely friends,
After my introductory piece last night I was eager to post something a bit more meaningful so that you can really see whether or not this blog is for you. This is the subject that I've been thinking about most recently and it's actually something that made me decide for sure that I wanted, if not needed, to start my own blog. You see I think about things like this very often and can't help but feel useless because I can't make these feelings impact society in any way, shape or form. So, dear reader, I hope this post inspires you and makes all the time I've wasted pondering over it worth while. 

 I'm pretty sure every single child I have ever met has/had some sort of security blanket. It may well have been an actual blanket or maybe a stuffed animal or something so simple as a lucky button or some kids had rabbit foots at my primary school which always kind of freaked me out a bit. Whatever it was, we all had them, right? My security blanket was this little pink bear that I got when I was roughly about 3. I named her, (inventive name alert!) Pink Teddy. I used to sleep next to her in bed and even take her to school on days where I wasn't feeling to confident about going; I've always struggled with social anxiety and when your 4 it helps to have a cuddly friend to go on difficult journeys with you. As children, we kept these things because they made us feel safe. Maybe they smelled like home or maybe they just felt at home in our pockets or in our arms. I still have Pink Teddy now; in fact she is sat right next to me in bed as I write this post. However, I'm not quite so attached to her now as I was when I was a child. 

 Growing up is HARD. Quite often we are exposed to certain pressures that result in us losing that sense of security. It's no longer socially acceptable to carry around a bright pink teddy bear in your school bag just because you've had a rough few days. It becomes harder and harder to feel safe and at home when constantly you're being given reasons to feel anxious and unsettled. I was no stranger to this. I went through issues like most girls my age and I struggle to remember times in the last 4 years where I have felt safe and happy. During your teenage years you have to seek security from other people. No matter how much you want to be, you simply cannot be completely independent. You need to have friends around you that you can talk to about your insecurities because they can no longer be cured by snuggling down with a book and your favourite blanket. This was hard for me to get my head around because talking about problems is very hard for me and I tried to tackle everything by myself. That made me very down for a very long time and as a result I'm now dealing with issues that I have been dealing with for a very long time simply because I didn't realise that it is okay to need people. Additionally; if, like in my case, the people you feel you desperately need turn their backs on you, you don't really need them. They are not your security blanket. But you will find someone who can be. 

 Rejection and heartbreak can mean that you never feel safe or loved. I felt like I wasn't good enough for a very long time. But recently I let a person into my life that has honestly changed it for the better. I feel so safe around them and so happy and comfortable that I feel almost as secure as I did when I was a kid. That's a safety I haven't felt for a very long time and I love this person with all my heart, so much that I don't even know how to describe it. Having felt that kind of intense love, I can't help but get angry when I see how people really treat the people they say they love. 

 Let me ask you something: When you were a child, would you have let your security blanket fall from your pocket and get trampled in the mud then leave it there to get ruined? Of course not! That would have broken your heart and you wouldn't have slept for weeks! So why would you allow the person you love to sit and feel discarded by something you've done, a mistake you made, and not feel anything? How can you expect to feel that kind of safety and gratitude and respect if you can't respect the one who's giving it to you! The point I'm trying to make here is kind of linked to Karma. You see, the person I love, I would quite literally die inside if anything happened to them and so if I hurt them, I would feel a kind of guilt that wouldn't ever go away. It pains me to see lovers scream harsh words to each other when arguing. Words can never be taken back. You would never have got a pair of scissors and cut your security blanket to shreds. Why do that to a person? Why fall so deeply and madly in love with somebody and then let them get hurt? It's our duty to take care of the people in our lives and be security blankets for each other. 

 So when you find that person who makes you feel like you have a security blanket again, hold them as close as you possibly can and never ever let go. If you've already found them, go and give them a massive cuddle right now. I mean it. Go. Let me tell you, it only takes one person to show you why your life is totally worth living; it's completely okay to admit you need someone to show you that. 

 So I'm going to round this up now: all in all, we all have people in our lives that make us feel safe and loved. These people need to feel safe and loved to. It's our duty as good people to take care of each other and spread the love! 

Goodnight readers, 
Chloe. 

Hello My Lovely

I've tried this whole blogging thing before. 

 I tried to keep my blog anonymous but I found that to be a lot more effort than you would think and that's just not what I wanted this to be about. You see, writing has always been my first love and to go about it pretending to be someone I'm not just felt wrong; sadly that is where my first blog ended up. I found myself caught up in writing about issues that no longer affected me in order to keep people interested; as a result, my brain got caught up in things that I had long moved on from. I abandoned that blog after very few posts and decided to take a break... That break lasted a while. However, I am back and cannot wait to start a new, honest blog about who I really am and what I really love. Just a few things to begin with:

1. I'm not planning on promoting this blog too much on social media. This is because I want it to be a way of new people getting to know me; this may be: People who enjoy my music, people who enjoy the way I write or just people who find this blog by accident. Furthermore, I will only really talk about this blog anywhere else online to simply announce when I have written new posts. 

2. If by any chance you want to receive those updates feel free to follow me on: Instagram (ChloeHanks23) or Twitter (TheOneWho_Sings)

3. I will be promoting my music on this blog as it is the most important thing to me. 

4. My main goal with this is to improve my writing skills and to document important things in my life, as well as being a creative outlet.

5. This is a way for me to let out thoughts and feelings. Keeping diaries never really worked for me but writing songs has and I was keen to see if blogging would have the same impact. 

6. I was told by a college interviewer that keeping a blog may be a good idea for me as I am hoping to begin to study Creative Writing at A Level in September after taking my GCSE exams in the summer.

I am going to try to keep this whole thing fairly lighthearted and easy to read because I want you all to enjoy reading my blog. 

I will write about things that interest me: this may be very varied. I enjoy music, beauty and writing as well as photography, art and all things creative. I'm not much of an artist myself but I love looking at art. 

 For me this isn't ever going to be about how many people comment on my posts or even follow my blog; it's just a way for me to let thoughts and ideas out of my brain. 

 Do you ever feel like there is just too much stuff going round in your head? Whilst trying to juggle school and homework and lyric ideas and friendships and all that stuff I often feel like I've let really important thoughts fall out of my head. I've thought of many ways to overcome this: keeping a notebook and writing everything down or writing them in the notes section on my phone. Both of these things are things I've struggled to commit too. I thought if I started a blog without giving it a clear theme, I may be able to organise my thoughts a little better because I could literally write about whatever I wanted to. So by combining all of those strategies and writing thoughts down on paper and then blogging about them, I can make sense of what goes on in my brain and you can all get to know where my lyrics come from, what my likes and dislikes are and just who I am as a person. It might even help me get to understand who I am as a person. 

 I understand that as a first blog post this is very unorganised and scattered in terms of a theme and purpose. This is simply because I want to introduce you to what this blog may be about and why I wanted to start writing it. I will put much more planning into my future posts and make them much more structured for you to enjoy. I am currently writing this post in bed whilst suffering from a horrible flu virus that I had the pleasure of being infected with right as Christmas began; it is also 22:54 and I'm feeling very drowsy. These are my excuses for lack of coherence in this introductory piece, take them as you will. 

I'm not going to commit to any particular schedule in terms of when I will blog and what a will blog about, these posts will simply come as and when they flow from my head. I hope you enjoy reading this blog and I'm sure I will enjoy writing it. Please do not hesitate to follow me if you want to follow my journey. Goodnight.

Chloe.