My Journey To Becoming Vegetarian.

Eating animals is something I have been increasingly uncomfortable with for a long time. I didn't do anything about it for a while, it's easier not to. Eventually I had to face up to the fact that meat isn't for me and my body was telling me that in more ways than one.

 I recently wrote about my struggles with my stomach so if you haven't read that post, this may not all make sense; but I got to a point where eating the slightest bit of red meat would leave me in crippling pain. I had to be sent home from work, I would be bloated for days and I was generally unhappy with how my diet was affecting my body.

 It got to the point where I was afraid to eat, so I cut out red meat completely!

 It wasn't as difficult as I always told myself it would be and all of the excuses I had been telling myself for years were absolute rubbish!

 I felt so much better and I found myself experimenting more with different types of food. At this point, I was still eating chicken and fish whilst I let my body adjust.

 I suffer from fainting spouts and anemia and I will admit, this diet change took some getting used to. But as soon as I started paying attention to my body's needs in terms of vitamins amd iron, it was fine. It's not a difficult life change to make and it's so rewarding, which is why I decided at the end of March 2017 to go vegetarian.

 My body feels great.

 Since this whole diet change my stomach problems have only bothered me once and that told me that I needed to make my eating more regular. (I never used to eat breakfast and could go whole days with only one meal.) The last few weeks I've been working really hard to get a good, balanced diet including three meals a day with NO ANIMALS.

 For me, eating meat was a regular and needless part of my diet. When you think about how much is wasted and how excessive our meat eating habits are, you also realise how needless it is. Why do 3 animals have to die to supply your 3 bird roast - 3 lives lost for 1 meal? You cannot possibly argue that it's down to survival when our attitude to meat is so unhealthy.

 Also, when you realise how many alternatives there are out there, it's just completely unnecessary to eat an animal.

 I've fallen head over heels for Linda McCartney's range of meat free food and I love trying new combinations that don't involve needless slaughter.

 I know being meat free isn't for everybody, and there were years where I felt bad for eating meat but carried on because it was easier. I am in no position to preach to people.

 But what gets me is if I see an animal dead on the side of the road, it breaks my heart! So how can I possibly go home and eat a roast chicken?

 If somebody put a little lamb in front of me and said I had to kill my own dinner then I know I would rather go hungry; why does it make it okay because someone else did the hard part for me?

 Jus think about it; is it necessary or does it just taste good?

ASDA Homeware Haul

As you are all aware from my recently random blogging schedule, I have moved house! I was super excited to move. Not only at the prospect of finally having my own bedroom after 18 years of trying but at the necessity of going shopping. I have always loved homeware shopping despite not having my own home or corner of a home to shop for. So I have really enjoyed being able to shop around for little bits and pieces to make my bedroom mine. 

 I did an online ASDA shop because I wanted a wicker laundry basket for my room and to get the free store collection delivery option, I obviously had to buy a few extra bits. Unfortunately, they did screw my order up a little bit and they sent me a storage basket instead of the laundry basket so I still don't actually have the item I needed in the first place. After a lot of hassle they refunded me though so no harm done. 


 The first few things I bought in store on a separate occasion which included my bedding. This beautiful set was around the £15 mark and I just fell in love with it and managed to find a beautiful scatter cushion to match. I have a strange addiction to scatter cushions and this definitely isn't the only one in my collection, it is my new favourite though. Out of the bedding sets I bought (from elsewhere) this is my favourite, it's so pretty! 

 I also picked up, on the same trip, these two scented candles. One thing I didn't really like when going to the new house was that is smelled of other people. It sounds weird, I know. But every family has their smell and our house smelled of other people's smell. So I decided scented candles would be a good idea but your standard Yankee candle is so expensive that I just couldn't justify it having recently left my job to move. I found these awesome scented candles for only £1 each! They smell like your favourite sweet treats and there are some amazing ones in the collection so I may have to pick up a few more. I like to burn scented candles when I'm revising so that I can recall things from remembering the smell. So I see this splurge as an investment rather than spending money on making my room smell like toffee popcorn. 

 I also picked up this cute fake flower in a glass jar which I thought would look so pretty either on my work desk or my dressing table. The candle next to it was also bought on the same day from the candle section, it's not scented so I don't know if I'll burn it much but it had a C on it so I thought it would look cute on a shelf.

 When shopping online for my washing basket that I will never have (sad face,) I decided to treat myself to a few things to make my room feel more homely. I am planning on having a proper makeup station but I need to find a good dressing table before I can put it all together. I bought this small copper vase to keep my makeup brushes in because they're currently lose in my makeup bag and it's a nightmare! I also bought a small copper bin to match. My room is mainly white so I thought a nice splurge of colour would work well. I love copper so I'll definitely end up with more copper accessories to tie it all together. 

 I also decided to buy myself some nice mugs to keep in my room for when I have my morning coffee whilst doing my makeup. I have a strange obsession with mugs and I could tell my mum didn't really understand why I'd bought some when we have plenty downstairs. I guess I just wanted some that were mine. I find when you buy a mug or buy a mug for somebody, you pick ones that match their personality and when I saw these, I knew I needed them in my life because they were just so me!

So thats my little homeware haul and I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. 

Once everything is put together I will do a little room tour for you guys either on my blog or on my YouTube channel if it's set up by then! Thanks for reading, see you next week! 

Living With IBS (?)

Before I get into the narrative of this post, I want to make it absolutely clear that I remain undiagnosed and will be for the foreseeable future. However, I am certain beyond any reasonable doubt that I have been suffering from IBS symptoms for almost a year now. Some of these symptoms are very personal- there are things I have experienced that I have decided not to talk about in this post but ultimately, I know that reading something like this could have really helped me a few months ago. I wanted to write this for anyone suffering these symptoms who is unsure about going to the doctor or unsure of what to do in general. 

 Another warning, this post does reference my digestive system so if you find that gross, maybe wait until next week where I'll probably be talking about books again! 

 It all started with a family meal. The steak I ate gave me an awful stomach ache, the worst I had ever experienced in my entire life. I have described it to people as this pain that is telling me my body wants to get rid of the food in some way (tmi alert) either I need to go to the toilet or throw up- but I can't do either. This happened to me frequently over the next few months. I would get really awful stomach aches that could only go away with time. I usually had to just lie down and go to sleep and the next morning I'd feel okay. 

 I ended up being sent home from work one night after eating one slice of bacon on my sandwich, being left in crippling pain. After this I decided I needed to stop eating red meat. My body was clearly telling me to stop eating it. 

 I did feel better after cutting out meat. I didn't experience the stomach ache for a long time. I noticed that I bloated less after eating and going to the toilet was much less stressful. I found myself eating less and less meat generally which prompted me to become a complete vegetarian about a month ago. 

 A change in my diet and things seemed to be sorted! Until last week, I ate a veggie lasagna and the stomach pain was back... with a vengeance. I could hardly walk out of the restaurant to the car and had to lie down for a couple of hours before the pain subsided. 

 I found myself on the NHS website, looking up my symptoms for the first time. 

People had suggested IBS to me before, I was embarrassed by the sound of it and especially uncomfortable at the sound of going to a doctor and probably having to go through personal tests. I've always found the doctors scary, setting off my anxiety and sometimes even making me feel faint from the apprehension. I also have discovered that I faint at needles to the prospect of having to have a blood test done to diagnose my illness was very daunting for me. 

 When I looked at the possible treatments I realised that it's mainly down to you to get better. I didn't see the point in going through a process that I would find traumatic in order to be told to carry on doing what I am already doing, making changes to my lifestyle. 

 I have taken note of the advice on the NHS website which has told me that I need to be more active and make sure I am getting enough fibre in my diet. After reflecting on my eating habits over the last year, it doesn't surprise me that I have ended up in this state. Working all weekend in a pub meant I was working early and late shifts with little time to eat properly in between. I would often go a whole weekend of working, not eating anything for over 24 hours. My body got use to eating less and my appetite shrank. I also became scared to eat properly because of my stomach aches. I definitely do not get enough fibre in my diet and I am sure I should eat more fruit and veg. 

 Other symptoms that jumped out at me were that IBS can cause depression and anxiety. The latter I have struggled with for years and I'm certain my anxiety has not been linked to my stomach problems. My mood however has been critically low over the last 4 months at least. I would never have linked this to the problem with my tummy but other more personal symptoms listed that I have also been struggling with linked everything together. I understand that I have to make changes in order to improve my general quality of life. 

 Going vegetarian has helped me make sure I get a more balanced diet because I can be comfortable enough to eat. I have found alternative protein sources instead of cutting out protein all together by just avoiding meat. 

 I have set myself the goal of improving my diet further by attempting to eat breakfast every day. I haven't eaten breakfast regularly for years now which I can see now has reduced my fibre intake critically. It's amazing having dealt with an unhealthy tummy for so long how much better I can feel my body working after one bowl of cereal in the morning. Getting my appetite used to expecting breakfast is a little more tricky though. I often feel sick at the thought of eating in the mornings because I'm not used to it. I know this is psychological and extremely unhealthy and I am working at forcing myself to break through it. 

 Another change I need to make is exercise. I was never good at PE at school and working out has been something I always associate with anxiety and embarrassment. Going to the gym is very daunting for me so I'm going to start of building my fitness on my mums exercise bike until I am fit enough to go running. I know this will help my general health as well as the symptoms I've been experiencing. Exercise is also known to help with low mood and anxiety so I can't really think of any more excuses to not get fit! 

 I have purchased pain killers to combat the stomach ache should I get it again; however, I have told myself that if I make these changes and my symptoms don't improve after 4 months then I will go to the doctors. I haven't got anything to lose at the minute by not having a legitimate diagnosis. Of all the symptoms listed, there was only 1 that I hadn't experienced so I am certain that this plan will work for me. 

 I would encourage anyone who is experiencing IBS symptoms to go to the doctor, of course! But if you're like me and you don't find going to the doctor as simple as other people might, don't feel stuck; making healthy lifestyle improvements is never a bad thing and the doctors are going to tell you to do it anyway. 

 I do understand that self-diagnosis is a very sketchy game to play. But IBS is 90% of the time treated with lifestyle changes, I had already began to treat it myself without realising. There's no harm really in that continuing until/unless things get worse. 

 I hope you find this helpful if you've been suffering with any kind of symptom be it stomach related or mood related. I'm sure that if you follow the changes I am making, this well help you as well with either of those problems. 

Thank you for reading, I'll see you next week! 

I Moved House

I am currently in bed, having a lazy Sunday morning. We are still without wifi, which means I'm having to write and post this from my phone which is connected to a BT hotspot. (I've already used all my data for this month...) This makes adding pictures problematic. I am also of college for two weeks for Easter, (thank god,) so unfortunately I couldn't even steal college wifi to do my blogpost properly.

 So, today isn't what I planned and is definitely not what I wanted to be posting after last week's delay. But I thought I'd just have a little chat with you about what's going on and what I've got planned for the next few weeks.

 I left my job at the pub to move to the new place which makes me currently unemployed for the first time since I was 13. My savings are currently going down because I've needed to buy things for my new room, savings I was meant to spend on a new guitar so my priority is buying my guitar before my money fizzles away. I also need to get a new job. While the thought of working in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people gives me a lot of anxiety, so does having no money coming in. Once I have moneycoming in, I have a few projects to get started in over the summer.

 First and foremost, I need to get my new bedroom and my office sorted ready for when I start university in September. I also want to start my YouTube channel so that I can document the process which involves buying a decent dslr camera and probably buying a better laptop to edit videos eventually as well. My boyfriend and I wanted to go on holiday over the Summer break but it depends whether or not I'm earning again as to whether we can afford to do that.

 My blogposts planned for the next few weeks are centered around moving.

I've got some homeware hauls to come, maybe a room tour of what my (unfinished) bedroom looks like now. I'm excited for what this move means for my blog. Hopefully everything will come together. But I do need some money first!

 Thank you for bearing with me during this odd process. Things will be back to normal very soon! See you next Sunday!

March Book Haul

First and foremost, I want to apologise for the fact that this post is 4 days late. I have been moving house over the last week and on Sunday, I found myself living in a separate house from my laptop with no access to my blog at all. I have since then been living without proper internet access and so this post has been tricky to complete. 
 However, I couldn't not post my March book haul! The last month was one of the best I have had in so long in terms of what I read and enjoying what I read. I am aware with my exams coming up that it's probably time to cut out my beloved fiction books and replace them with text books for a little while. As a result, I wanted to make sure that I read as much as possible and I had a really great time! 

 I began the month by rereading my favourite book ever, Fitzgerald's The Great Gatsby. Luckily for me, this is one of my A Level English Literature texts and by far one of my go to books to read quickly. I managed to re read it in a day. I love how concise the writing is and how beautifully it was constructed. There is so much meaning and symbolism packed into around 200 pages. Fitzgerald is my favourite writer; revising for this particular exam paper is an absolute joy! 

 Sometimes when you're exposed to the adult world for a long time, you need to submerge yourself into a good childrens story. When exams and uni prep get a little too much for me, I like to read a good Michael Morpurgo or Philip Pullman classic. For Christmas I recieved this gorgeous illustrated copy of Pax by Sara Pennypacker and so last month, when I found myself overwhelmed, I reached for this. It was such a heartbreaking story. The first chapters had me almost in tears, desperately trying to cuddle my dog who just wasn't having any of it. Such a simple idea creates a beautiful story of love and perseverance and friendship. Never underestimate the power of a children's book. The illustrations in this copy are just stunning as well. I love this book so much. 

 The next book I read is definitely one of my most treasured favourites. I bought it to help me get my head around the wider context of my Russian History course. It follows the story of a historian investigating the fate of a priest who was sent to a gulag back in the 50s for writing an anti-soviet poem. Usually I find non-fiction books a little hard to get into. The Last Man in Russia is so beautifully written and poetic that I was gripped from the first page. I remember being so excited to sit down and read it. I have been telling so many people about this book and I think I managed to persuade my History teacher to read it too! If you're interested in history and Russia then it's definitely worth a read. 


 We Were Liars was recommended to me by a friend in my Creative Writing group about a year ago. I managed to read it in a day; luckily I started it on a day where I only had one college lesson and so I had enough free time to get it finished. This book made me sob uncontrollably. I have never read a book with a twist like it. It is so clever and so heartbreaking. It's the kind of book I wish I could forget so that I can experience it again. I think every book lover should read this because there is nothing else like it. 

 The next book I reached for was a title I wrote down on my Christmas list without really thinking about it. If you've been following my blog/instagram for a while then you'll know about my blogging notebook. I write down any blog/video ideas in a notebook and I've also been writing down any books that catch my eye in the back. I had no idea what All The Ugly and Wonderful Things was about, but the cover looked so beautiful that I just had to write it down. It turned out to be a beautifully awful story! I couldn't tell throughout the whole thing who's side I was on or whether the events were wrong or not. I don't want to give too much away because I think not knowing adds to the impact; but this is the perfect story to convey the tragic impact of drugs and alcohol and also to get people questioning the justice system. It was difficult for me to read in places because I have a history with the kind of age gap in question and at times, it had me questioning what happened to me. Without going off on a tangent, the book is beautiful. And it's horrible. The title sums it up perfectly and Bryn Greenwood is now on my list of most admired writers. She grew up around drugs herself and she should be so proud of the wisdom she has managed to carry from it. 


 My book hauls may be a little smaller over the next couple of months while I sit my exams; however, I'm planning on getting a bulk of new books AND starting a YouTube channel this Summer so do keep following my blog and social medias. Exciting things await...