Changing My Body... in a Good Way

As a follow up to my brief #transformationtuesday post on Instagram, I wanted to share with you why I actively began to change my body and how I ended up in the state that I was in. 

Since the summer of 2016, I gained a lot of weight; partly due to my diet at the time but mainly as a result of my contraception. The side affects of contraception is a subject that I feel very passionate about, I don't believe that women are educated enough about what they're putting into their bodies and the consequences of it; but that's something I will write more about when I feel ready. 

Today's post isn't about that. Today I want to document my journey in more detail to aid any girls who have suffered the side affects I had suffered then and help put them on the path to put things right. You can reverse the weight gain; it takes a long time but it's possible.

I saw bloating in my face a lot which is something I am extremely affected by but unfortunately not something I have reversed just yet. However, I have figured out a fitness plan that is really helping me reshape my body and feel comfortable in my skin again. I thought I'd share with you what that is and how I keep myself motivated.

Here is a picture of what my body looked like when I first starting using the gym at Uni. I try to do an hour of cardio at the gym; usually starting on the cycling bike and finishing on the cross trainer. I then use the mats (if they're free, they're usually not) to do some circuit training exercises. I have also starting dabbling with weight machines but I don't really know what I'm doing and my social anxiety begs me not to make a fool of myself in front of the 'hench gym rats' so I save muscle stuff for home workouts. 

I noticed a huge change almost weeks after I started using the gym; mainly in terms of how I felt emotionally rather than physically. Even though I still wasn't happy with my body, I found comfort in knowing that I was doing something about it and I was getting healthier. 

I knew I needed to build muscle having started to loose weight; one YouTube account has really helped me to get a good home workout regime sorted. Lucy Wyndham-Read creates amazing home workout videos ranging in difficulty level and covering all sorts of weight loss concerns. I have used her videos to put together a bum, abs and bust workout that really makes me feel like I'm getting stronger and fitter. I use 1.5kg weights just to stretch myself further; I'm hoping to up to 5kg by the summer. I have noticed a bigger change from home workouts than actually using the gym. This is mainly in terms of how I feel the next day; my muscles ache more from home workouts which is how you know it's working. I still go to the gym at least once a week but I workout every other day; the other days being at home.

My diet has remained pretty much the same; I still snack... a lot. The main change I have made is being more conscious of protein which is so important if you work out. I am no longer exclusively vegetarian; a long battle with the flu and brief bout of depression made me suffer a complete loss of appetite, I added chicken back into my diet just to get me eating something. I planning on this being temporary; I hope to cut meat back out of my diet as a learn to cook and expand my pallet a little more. 

I know I could never cut out the treats that I love, and I don't particularly want to. I am not planning on becoming a complete fitness advocate; I believe in enjoying food the way that works for me. However, eating a little healthier is always good. 

This is a picture I took recently when shopping for new gym clothes that illustrates the changes I have made already and hope to continue developing. It's honestly so easy to make a change, the sooner you start, the less you have to reverse. It makes such a difference to your confidence and mood if you know you're actively trying to change. I hope this has been helpful; good luck!

Body positivity is not vanity or over-sharing. 

A New Year of Blogging...

This time last year, I made a few New Years Resolutions for the first time ever. One of which was to post weekly on my blog; a goal that I managed to stick to for most of the year. However, after 6 months or so, my ideas became rushed and generic as A Levels became more intense and my creativity was nulled by the stress and exhaustion. The Creative Writing side of my University course has helped somewhat to revive my creative flow. I knew that this year my main goal for my blog was to firstly pull more passion into my writing and, secondly, to expand my audience. For my New Year post, I want to share with you how I plan to achieve that. 

 Firstly, one thing I have missed since leaving college is the free periods I would have stuck in Stratford that led me to a coffee shop or cafe to just sit. I would read, write or study. Whatever needed doing. The thing about living at University is that when I am provided with hours like that, it's all too tempting to just go back to my flat and waste the rest of my day. I don't know what it is about home but, for me, it just isn't the place for productivity. So, in the New Year, I have made it my goal to take myself out every week for a coffee and a walk and to just sit and write blog posts and read. It wont ever be a time for doing my University work, it will be my creative time and it will be a priority. 

 I have purchased a few things to help with this plan and to maintain a level of creativity in my every day life. 

 Journaling is always something I have wanted to do. I love the look of journals and I love documenting my life; however, journaling in itself seems quite overwhelming to me. I find it hard to know where to start and I always seem to just get bored writing down everything that happened each and every day. 

 I recently was browsing in PaperChase with a friend when we stumbled upon their journal collections. My student budget at the time urged me not to buy any but two had caught my eye that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since. 

 The first is a black Dream Journal with a gold snake feature on the front. I have had a lot of vivid and strange dreams lately which would make good creative pieces given time to think about them. I love this Journal because it has two sections; one is very structured with themes and titles, the other is more flexible. I love the idea of documenting dreams so that you can remember them later. Your brain is at it's most active when you're sleeping which, as a writer, makes it so important that you can somehow gain something from that lost time.

 The second is called an AM/PM Journal. It's a sort of bullet journal that sets you tasks each morning and evening. It invites you to reflect on your day and your mindset and I thought that filling this in on days when I have Creative Writing modules would really help enhance my thought processes ready for the sessions. 

 Both of these journals are beautiful and will come in so handy over the next year in taking my blog somewhere new.

 I want to share a lot more creative pieces here as well as making my blog more focussed on books. I am thinking of rebranding my layout also. It has been three years since I started this blog and it's remained at the same level. I'm ready for it to grow a little now and really do something with it. 

For any of you who have been here since the beginning, thank you. I hope you will still enjoy where I take things. 

 Chloe. 

What I Got For Christmas 2017

As always, I am not trying to show off with this post. I always find these so interesting; a lot of YouTubers do videos this time of year as a sort of Christmas haul and I'm quite a nosey person, I like seeing what people like. I'm only going to share a few things, many of them are by brands/people that I love and want to give my support to and it might inspire your January sales shopping!

 One of my main Christmas presents was a piece of equipment I need to record my EP in the new year; that process will be documented largely on my Instagram; ChloeHanks23 so make sure you go over and follow me to see that. I am so excited about it. 

 I have followed the family SacconeJolys on YouTube for a couple of years now and I have also been a huge supporter of Anna's Jewellery line. Slightly on the pricier side than your usual high budget but low quality YouTuber merch, this line is a gorgeous collection of statement pieces that last a long time and have a personal touch that make them perfect for gift giving. Two christmases ago I received a necklace in Rose Gold featuring my star sign. Anna's recent collection, Written In The Stars, really caught my eye because the new pieces sat so wonderfully alongside the original collection. Although these necklaces are slightly expensive, I totally believe they are worth the money. For example, I could spend £20 on a necklace from Accessorize and have it tarnish in 6 months or I could get a £70 necklace for Christmas that still looks brand new after two years. It's a much better investment. 

 The piece I chose for my present this year was cheaper than the core range that was released a few years ago, simply because the pendant is much smaller. It is this gorgeous Rose Gold Star choker that has my birthstone featured in the middle. I love this because it looks beautiful just on its own if I'm wearing a high neck top/sweater; but also it sits wonderfully with my Star Sign necklace too. These are such lovely, personal gifts to really make someone feel special at Christmas time or for their birthday. 

 As always, I had a few books on my Christmas list. I've been finding reading fairly difficult since starting university; my completely new schedule has killed my motivation for it slightly and so I wanted to get a few new books to get me excited to read again. 

 I've been inspired by Neil Gaiman's writing since studying Creative Writing; I got two books of his this Christmas: The Norse Mythology collection and The Ocean at the End of The lane. I'm super excited to read these and I really hope they help me feel passionate about books again.




 I also received The Book of Dust which I have been so excited about for months. I have already started reading it; it's the loveliest, cosiest book for winter. The His Dark Materials Trilogy was such a huge part of my childhood and I can't wait to do a full review of this once I have finished.

 I've been really into witches since starting University. I used to be really interested in the fictional witch character when I was a child but the history student in me is now so intrigued by the Witch Trials. It's featured in a couple of my Creative Writing pieces and I just want to know more. I saw this cover on Instagram a little while ago and jotted down the title, The Witches of New York. I don't know much about this book other than it caught my eye. I'll probably review this in the New Year as well. 


 Two writers I've really loved over the last few years are Angela Carter and Agatha Christie; both very different genres of writing but equally interesting and inspiring, I was thrilled to receive more of their work this Christmas too. Black Coffee drew me in simply because I love coffee, this is a novel adaptation of one of Christie's plays so I'm excited to get into that! 

 I was lucky enough to receive lots of beauty products. Now that I'm a student, I don't have the budget that I used to to try out new products. I received the Kylie Jenner Burgundy Pallet which I have used every day since Christmas and am loving! I also received my favourite fragrance Olympea by Paco Robanne; I ran out a little while ago and couldn't afford to replace it. 

 I'm hoping to give my blog a little refresh in the New Year which I will write more about soon! Thanks for reading, don't forget to follow my Instagram to keep up with all things blog related and otherwise. 

 Chloe. 

My First Impression of Reputation

This has arguably been the most anticipated album of 2017 and that cannot even begin to describe what waiting for this record has been like for Taylor Swift fans. 3 years after the release of 1989 and over a year since Taylor disappeared for a well deserved break, it is safe to say that we needed this album more than any she has released previously.  

  I am aware of the controversy surrounding this album. The stories she tells have been well speculated in the media, hence the newspaper-themed cover. My personal opinions of the scenarios will not be discussed simply to avoid drama in the comments. I stand with Taylor and that is all I have to say on the subject of media drama. 


 However, I wanted to write about my initial response to this record. I think it'll be fun for me to look back when I know the album better at what my favourite songs and lyrics were when I first heard it. I am not going to comment of every single track, just the ones that made the biggest impact on my experience and the ones I wanted most to listen to again.

 I had planned to listen to Reputation for the first time on Friday evening because I had a full day of lectures on the release day. I wanted to sit down and really take the album in; however, when I woke up Friday morning I just didn't have the self control to wait all day before I heard it. So, I listened to album from start to finish while I got ready for the day and it was honestly such an exciting morning!

 Ready For It was my favourite of the tracks made available before the release of the whole album. This is one of the many tracks which really conveys how ambitious she has been with the production and writing of Reputation. It's perfect for an opening track, it's as if she is introducing us to this new style and asking us, 'are you ready for it?' 

 I don't think we were but it works. It really works. 

 End Game isn't my favourite track of off the album but I was excited for it due to the collaboration with Ed Sheeran. I love how Taylor has experimented with Genre despite the limitation that have been put on her by her country roots. The rap line, "Bad Reputation,' pops up coherently through the track and features 2 other artists writing about the idea of reputation. I think this is Taylor's way of sticking up for herself and discussing first of all how everyone has a reputation and her's shouldn't be such a big deal. 

 One of my favourite tracks off of the album is Don't Blame Me. Both the lyrics and the melody of this song just caught me off guard. It's such a beautiful song and a wonderfully original way to express such a feeling of being so in love you cannot think straight. I am planning to cover this one soon so please check that out! 

 So It Goes & Dress both share a very specific theme. Sex. I am so proud of how Taylor manages to convey her maturity and growth as a musician by writing about sex as something natural and passionate and normal. People can sometimes be a little uncomfortable about women writing and talking about sex. Normalising female sexuality is a very important issue to me and Taylor does this beautifully. In Dress especially she manages to capture the excitement of falling in love. Her writing style has matured so much since 1989 and these tracks capture that iconically.

 Despite having left country music, Taylor still uses the story-telling element in her songwriting and Getaway Car is one of my favourite examples of that. Again, this track shows her growth in maturity as she admits herself to have done wrong. The melody is so original and captivating. It's fast becoming one of my favourite tracks off of the record. I think this is one of her most honest songs yet in terms of being honest with both herself and the person this song addresses.

 This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things was a song that I didn't think I would like when the track list was revealed. It's actually favourite song off of the record. While I think it's great that Taylor admits that, in the last few years, she has gotten things wrong, I love that here she sticks up for herself in such a mature way. The progression in the production of Taylor's music shines on this track as well as the quality of her writing. This song has some of my favourite lyrics. The child-like slogan as the title has been revealed to allude to how the people this song addresses were acting so childishly which I think is such a clever angle to take. People will have a lot to say about this song if it is ever released as a radio single (which I hope it is.) I hope people can focus on how lyrically and sonically genius it is as well though! 

 Call It What You Want is such an innocently beautiful love song. It's been a few albums since Taylor has given us a ballad like this. I loved it when it was released before the album came out but I think I love it even more now I have heard how it fits among the whole album. It shows the growth in both how Taylor perceives relationships and how she views herself. Lyrically, it's a masterpiece and the production heightens that. Sometimes I feel that the track production of Taylor's songs can distract people from the quality of her lyrics; this song has been allowed to remain lyrically strong. 

 New Years Day as a closing track is perfect. The upbeat, quirky piano track brings together the main message of Reputation which is that Taylor doesn't care what's being said about her now that she knows the people who stick by her. She took the idea of the New Years tradition of kissing someone at midnight and used that to convey that it doesn't really matter what you should be doing or what people expect of you. What matters is who is there to clean up the mess with you afterwards. Despite sonically being a juxtaposition to the rest of the album, it fits beautifully. I think this is going to be one of my favourite songs of the whole album and one of my favourites to come out of Taylor's media backlash. 

 I am so proud of Taylor for producing this album and I am going to leave this post here so I can go back to enjoying listening to the album! Let me know what your favourite Reputation track is in the comments.

A Lush Bath in Autumn

The thing I have missed most being away at University is my Sunday bath-time. I had a lovely pamper routine every week after work, those few hours were the only ones I had to myself and so I went all out. I always had a face mask and bath bomb. I would repaint my nails and get myself ready for the week. 

 I have tried my best to work with what I have here but the tiny shower cubicle proves tricky for relaxing. There's not much solitude to be found in folding yourself on the floor, lifting your legs up to try and shave them without getting a cramp. 

 The main thing I wanted to do when I snuck back home during Reading Week was attempt to recreate my precious me time! 

 I went into Lush planning to repurchase some of my favourites. I have been planning on doing a post about all of my holy grail Lush products; however, I ended up buying something new this time so I thought I'd share my initial thoughts with you and save my Lush Favourites for another time! 




I did repurchase my favourite face mask though. I absolutely love the Mask Of Magnaminty. I used to use this weekly and, since I ran out, I don't think my skin has looked the same without it. It is quite pricey for a face mask, the bigger size being just over £12, hence why I haven't repurchased it sooner. But trust me, I would not spend that kind of money or recommend it so enthusiastically if it wasn't worth every penny. It has a gorgeous peppermint scent that makes me feel so cosy and Christmasy, although it isn't a Christmas product. You can really feel it cleansing your skin and it leaves it glowing. I know for a fact I have written about this product before during the early stages of my blog which I think goes to show just how much I love it! 


 It's always fun to have a bath bomb to help pass the time whilst your face mask works it's magic. I usually have my favourites that I go through but something else caught my eye when I went into Lush the other day. Cheer Up Buttercup is a gorgeous bright yellow with purple flowers packed in. It smells like Sherbet Lemons. When I dug into the bag to use it my whole room was filled with the fresh scent of Lemonade. It turned the water bright yellow with a gorgeous shimmer of glitter running through it. It left my skin feeling super soft and shiny and also smelling lovely too. 

 I find a good pamper session with Lush products will always leave you feeling relaxed and brand new! This, of course, is not a paid endorsement so you can take my words at face value. I can't wait to share more of my favourite Cruelty Free Lush products with you! 

 Goodbye. 

The Other Side of Moving into University

I knew that I wanted to document this process, more than anything else so that I could always look back on it and remember every thought and feeling that I had about the experience. The fact that I am already referring to certain parts and processes in the past tense is strange. It's odd to think that I have already experienced some parts of university that I will never experience again and I am not even 24 hours in to the process. 

 I embarked on this journey feeling extremely over prepared. Even at almost 19 years old I am as naive as a child on their first day at school. 

 I made lists and budgeted for things I would need; I filled notebooks and folders doing so. I changed my mind about so many things that I felt invisible! I had decided to live at home then decided to move away. I considered every possible outcome and made the decision I thought was best and I am confident I made the right choice but nothing can prepare you for what this feels like. 

 I was no stranger to the apprehension and, in this instance, I knew the anxiety I was feeling was no condition that my brain had tricked me into, it was completely natural. I knew this. 

 It began the on Saturday night. I had picked up my keys and partially moved in, the rest to be completed the next day. It hit me that evening that in a few hours time, I'd have to say goodbye to my dog and that we would no longer be living in the same house. I would no longer be woken every morning by her scratching at my door for a cuddle. It's funny the things that get you.

 I didn't ever consider in all of my planning that moving to university might be slightly unpleasant. I had accepted that I was a bit of an introvert and would take a little while to integrate, but I could expect the feelings I felt when I was finally moved in and settled. 

 It's exciting, moving somewhere new, to a completely different environment and atmosphere. But it's also extremely overwhelming. I can't describe the feeling of when your mum and dad get back into the car and drive away and you're left in this new place, completely alone for the first time. 

 I didn't expect to feel so unsettled. I had prepared everything, surely? 

The slightest thing just made me cry. I couldn't explain why I was crying, not to my boyfriend or anyone. I'd calm down and then suddenly be in tears again. I wasn't even sad, or homesick. I didn't want to go back home and I didn't dislike my room or house mates, I was just utterly overwhelmed. 

 Nobody really talks about how it actually feels to move into halls. 

 Every YouTube video I have watched or blog post I have read kind of brushes over it. 

 I didn't even indicate to anyone except my boyfriend that this was happening, that I was sat alone in my bedroom completely without control of my emotions. But I received a message from my old manager and work friend explaining that while the first night is always hard, it gets much better! 

 It helped me so much to know that this is normal, and having talked openly about it to my housemates I know that every single one of us went through this on our first night. 

 When you think about it, it's to be expected. 

 When you move into university halls, everything shifts. Everything changes. 

 You live somewhere new, often miles away from home, you're studying something new and you know virtually nobody. No one can go through that kind of change in one second and not be phased by it. 

 I still have moments now where I feel a little emotional and ache to give my dog a cuddle, but home will still be there if you need to get back for a weekend. 

 I wanted to write this to document the feeling and also so that anyone who might read this and think they're alone can know that everyone gets upset and unsettled. It's to be expected. 

I Changed My Hair... Again

I have been growing my hair then cutting and it and growing it again for about 3 years now. I love the idea of having long, gorgeous hair that everyone would be jealous off but the reality is, it just doesn't look good on me. 

 I've recently just grown to hate it and I found myself wearing my hair in a ponytail most of the time simply because it kept it all out of my face.

 It's been 2 and a half years since I had my first dramatic hair cut since childhood. Recently I've been thinking about it and how both times I've cut my hair short, I've loved it. And also how every time I have it long, I end up hating it. 

 I have been at my most confident when I've felt good about my hair. 
 I have felt the best about my hair when it is short and blonde. 

 Short hair is easy to style, there's a lot you can do with it and it takes very little maintaining. So I made up my mind, I was going to chop it all off again. 

 Having recently moved to Worcester for University, I looked for a new, local place to try out. My first stop was Tony & Guys but I couldn't get an appointment there within the next month for love nor money. I couldn't seem to get in contact with other hair salons without phoning, (I have a weird phobia of talking on the phone. Don't judge me, I'm working on it just not right now,) so I was kind of despairing on what to do. 

 Last Sunday I had a moment that affected my week dramatically and to deal with it, I knew I needed to cut my hair. It was all I could think about, every time I got upset I was just like, 'I need someone to cut my hair!' 

 I said to one of my flatmates at one point, "If someone doesn't cut my hair soon, I'm going to do it myself." 

 Scared I'd ruin what little good hair I had, I decided the only think left to do would be to get in touch with where I used to work which I could get to by train. 

 So, one last minute appointment and a 50 minute train ride later, I found myself back where I used to call home ready to leave a whole new woman. 

 The whole round trip took me about 6 hours but it was so worth it. 

I now have short blonde hair again and I'm SO happy about it! I want to try and style it either curly or wavy each day and just play around with it while it's short. I also am planning to maintain the length and have it cut more regularly which is where I have failed every time I've done this before. 

 I didn't go too blonde, I wanted the change to be gradual and I can add more blonde at a later date if I fancy it. More than anything I just wanted to look and feel different. It's always such a weight lifted when you change your style. 

after

 I hope to share more posts about what I do with my new style very soon, see you next week! 

before