Life Update

Between painting my nails and writing endless amounts of poetry, I decided to just write one of my chatty little 'lifey' posts because I haven't really just talked to you guys in ages. 

 I have recently started sixth form at a new college which I love. You all know how much I absolutely hated school to the point where I was riddled with anxiety every evening and morning just at the thought of going. Somehow I managed to leave with 1 C, 6 Bs and 4 As in my GCSE's which I was so proud of after being so miserable for 5 years. I have always been a dedicated learner and student; I want to do well. So I knew I could afford to take a risk when moving schools because I was dedicated enough to make sure I succeeded. I'm so glad I moved. So so glad. This way I get to make sure that I enjoy the next two years of my life as opposed to being miserable. 

 When I picked up my GCSE grades I had two of the senior members of staff beg me to stay which was the most satisfying moment of my life. Once particularly pompous teacher, who had previously insulted me in a rather obvious, sexest manor the year before, stated how he thought I would have been one to stay. How ignorant adults can be to their lack of respect for pupils?

 I'm studying three subjects at A Level: Creative Writing, English Literature and History. I'm either going to study Journalism or Songwriting at University depending on how I do and where I chose to go (If i can afford uni.) 

 Music is going really well. I've stopped really caring about what reception I have. After spending 70% of my 12 weeks off school busking for driving lesson funds, I have a new respect for the music I make. It's me. I put all of myself into it and so I don't mind making a video for a hundred views when others get thousands because I know it's the best I can do. I love performing my music but I don't think I could handle that as a career. I think being famous would drive me crazy... there's no way I could ever handle it! I love the idea of writing songs as a living though. I love doing that so much! And if I could study it so I'm better at writing on demand it would be incredible. 

 In terms of my future, I'm trying to keep my mind pretty clear at the moment. As we all know from recent posts: I made the mistake over the last year of planning my entire life around one person and then it all fell apart when that one person who promised to always stay left. So I have this little plan for myself. I want to get education done and hopefully get a pretty decent job as a writer. Maybe I could even work from home giving me freedom away from a workplace. I want to rent a little flat in Stratford because I love it there and that's where I gig the most. Nothing fancy, just somewhere that's mine. I don't want to move straight in with a boyfriend. I'd rather know I can survive by myself first. Then a man can slot into my life comfortably rather than me slotting into theirs when they're my whole world. Once I leave the nest I don't ever want to have to come back.

 I've just painted my nails in the Barry M Rose Hip gelly nail polish and my whole body is covered in henna. I have built up a sixth form wardrobe that I love and feel confident in. I have these amazing heeled ankle boots that make my feet do the clicky heel thing when I walk on hard floor which makes me feel so grown up! I get to write poetry and stories as part of school and I get free periods every day which mean I can walk around the town I love with new friends that make me feel accepted. 

 I'm really starting to feel like who I am is good enough. 

Mind Your Own Biscuits And Life Will Be Gravy.

It's been a little while since I posted anything on here for a couple of reasons. After my last post (now deleted) I felt a bit wary of logging into my blog and checking things out because I was afraid, and rightly so as it turns out, of the consequences. My reasons for writing that post were simply to get out some really negative feelings and explain why the tone of my recent posts had been fairly melancholic. I expected to have horrible comments: people telling me to keep it inside or that no one really cares, all those regular, generic internet comments. What I didn't expect from telling you the story of mine and my ex boyfriend's split was for someone who used to be in his life to use and manipulate my trust and that post for their own personal gain. The thing is, he's still somebody that I care about and love deeply for reasons that I do not have to justify to anybody and it makes me sick that I allowed someone to use this blog to hurt him. 

 It made me want to write a little something about forgiveness. 

 We all make mistakes. Every single day people do things they shouldn't do and say things they shouldn't say. We're human, it's what we do. Some mistakes are bigger than others and so the consequences vary depending on the extent of the damage. It's easy to take out anger on people when they hurt us, it's much harder to forgive somebody. Forgiveness is something we have every single right to go back on. But you can not go back on your forgiveness and expect to be able to take out the same consequences on the person who wronged you. People change. People learn from mistakes. The person who hurt you years ago isn't the same person today. They've changed and they've grown. You can't expect to be able to hold them accountable for something they may have regretted and changed about themselves when they aren't the person who made that mistake anymore. This is my personal opinion and you don't have to agree with me, I am aware there are some circumstances where you can't forget what someone has done to you. But when you know it wasn't their fault and have accepted that, when you know they weren't being malicious in their actions you can not rewrite history and decide all of a sudden the circumstances were different and they are actually a bad person. The circumstances in which you allowed them to believe there were no hard feelings hasn't changed, you changing your mind on how you feel doesn't change what actually happened between the two of you. 

 Another person's heartbreak isn't yours. You may think it's the same as what you've been through previously but it probably isn't. Everyone is different. You can care about a friend when they get hurt and it can make you angry but, without permission, it isn't your situation to act upon. Whether you believe you're protecting someone or not, you have to keep your feelings to yourself. Similarly, if someone hurt you in the past, it doesn't mean they'll hurt every other person they meet in the exact same way. It's not for you to investigate and drag the details out of people so you can then decide for yourself that you have a right to interfere. Once somebody is out of your life, you don't then have a right to comment upon what goes on in theirs and who they decide to have around. It's quite frankly none of your business. People move on and they grow and they change. Someone you knew 2 years ago could be virtually a stranger now. No one stays the same person forever. 

 This is the hardest thing to accept when someone has hurt you but they have just as much a right to move on with their life as you do. As humans, we are much happier in love. Once that love goes wrong, we are happier when we replace it. Your love went wrong for a reason. Just because you're bitter about it, it doesn't mean they should be punished forever. If you can be happy with somebody else then so should they be no matter what they've done. No matter what you end up feeling for them in the future. 

 My last post was too personal and I should have known it would end badly. There were many issues that happened way in the past that I should have considered, people I should have known I couldn't trust but I hope that who ever reads this now can let go of whatever negative energy they have. Don't let yourself screw up someone's life if they're not still damaging yours. There's no need. It's wasted energy. I'm going to leave you with one of my favourite songs right now: I'll just do me and honey you can just do you. 

Back To School | Sixth Form Clothing Haul.

The very three words nobody wants to hear. It always comes around much sooner than we're ready for but this year I was very prepared. It's three weeks now until I begin my A Level courses at a new college and my friends begin sixth form at my old school, I went shopping last week as the last few weeks of my summer holiday are very busy and it was the only free time I had. I thought it would be a good idea to share with you the things that I brought to give you ideas on what kind of things you might want to wear to sixth form. 

 Seeing as I'm going to a college, there aren't any uniform rules and so I can really get away with wearing whatever I want. Consequently, some of the clothes I brought you may not be able to copy because of various regulations that you have to follow; however, this will hopefully give you an idea of what kind of clothes shops are selling and how to style them etc. As you can tell from this post, I am a big fan of khaki greens and midi dresses. One thing my college wardrobe is missing is a few comfy sweatshirts/jumpers but because of the time of year I couldn't get hold of any. Obviously this is a wardrobe I will be adding to throughout the next few months. 

 I decided to take a trip to the bullring in Birmingham for the day because, due to my awkward size, I don't really trust ordering online much because nothing ever fits, so I needed to try things on and the bullring is home to all of the clothing shops I love most. I checked out some higher end shops such as Top Shop and Miss Selfridge first because despite being more on the pricey side, they're some of the only shops to do a petite ranging stocking a size 4 which is my size. Usually I have to buy things in a size 6 and sew myself into them. 

 So firstly from Miss Selfridge I picked up this dress that I have had my eye on for a little while. Unsurprisingly it's in a khaki green shade and I loved the isometric cut out design. The only downside is one section reveals a little more of the bra area than is comfortable and so I had to invest in a khaki green bra as well to avoid any embarrassing incidents. This cost £25. I don't mind buying midi dresses from more expensive shops because a dress is like a whole outfit rather than partnering trousers and a top which can cost a lot more. Secondly from Miss Selfridge I picked up another midi dress. Every girl needs a little black dress in her wardrobe and so I fell in love with this one; again it reveals a lot of the bra area so I need to get a strapless bra to wear with this one. Again this was £25 from the petite section. 

 Afterwards I went into H&M. I absolutely love it in there because they have such a wide range of stuff and it is so reasonably priced. Firstly I fell in love with this Khaki Green shirt. I really wanted to find a loose shirt I could wear comfortably with black jeans so when I saw this it stole my heart as it is in my favourite fashion colour. It cost £14.99 and I think it's going to be one of my favourites. It has stunning lace detail at the back and is so comfortable. 



Next I spotted this little black skater skirt. I grabbed it in the smallest size but it's still too big for me around the waist but I can easily stitch it to fit properly. This one cost £12.99 and could easily be partnered with a simple T-Shirt or something a bit more fancy. 
 Another Khaki Green number I grabbed in H&M was this simple and comfortable skater dress for £12.99. It's made from the loveliest material. It feels such good quality and is so nice to wear. 


Lastly from H&M I picked up this lace top. Unfortunately it's see through and so I have to wear a white vest underneath. This would look a lot better with a pair of black jeans with the under vest tucked in so you cannot see it. This was also £12.99.

 H&M is a very good place to shop if you have a lower budget because I bought double the items for the same price that I paid in Miss Selfridge earlier on. 

I then popped into TopShop on the hunt for another pair of black jeans. I absolutely love wearing black jeans and I find that TopShop's sizes fit me better than anywhere else in terms of jeans so they seemed like my best bet. This pair of jeans came to £36.00. I also got the same orange T-Shirt from the petite section. It looked like a really comfortable material and would be lovely just for a casual, comfortable outfit so I picked it up for £14.00. It also styles well with the black skater skirt I got from H&M.



When I was 13 I loved shopping in Forever 21 but obviously I had a very low budget then so found it a bit expensive. I was pleasantly surprised when I popped in last Monday and found that the prices are actually a lot better than I remembered. The first item I fell in love with was a bit more on the pricey side but it was so pretty I couldn't resist. For £18 I bought this beautiful coral pink lace shirt with pretty flower detailing. I love it so much I can already tell it's going to be a favourite. It will look lovely with a pair of either black or white jeans.

 Next I picked up this lovely turtle neck jumper. It's quite thin but will be perfect for a colder day or just a comfy outfit if I don't feel like dressing up much. It was an absolute bargain at £8.



Lastly, I grabbed this lace Bardot for £9.50. Thankfully, this one isnt see through and could be partnered with jeans or my black skater skirt.







Finally, I popped into New Look due to having about 40 minutes to kill before the train home. I already knew I needed some warmer jumpers to add to my collection so when I spotted this I knew I needed to get it. It's this lovely comfy woolen cardigan. It has a black woven belt around the middle if you want to tie it up and it hangs really loosely. It is also Khaki Green which sold me! It came to £22.99 and was definitely worth queuing for 25 minutes because obviously when it's really busy you only need one cashier out of ten open.




Once I got home I had about £50 left from what I saved so I decided to have a browse on my favourite online fashion shop BooHoo.com just to see if anything caught my eye. The first thing I put in my basket was the Petite Darcy Printed BodyCon dress. I've had my eye on this for a while but never had a reason to buy it before. It's such a beautiful colour and design and was only £12.00.

I also loved the look of this Petite Melissa Gypsy Lace Sleeve dress which will be so cute during the first few weeks when it's still sunny and later on in the academic year when spring comes back around. This was also £12.00.





I also had to get this Camen Collared Bodycon dress simply because it has a collar and I love little dresses with collars. This is such a cute dress and was also £12.00.









 I also liked the look of this Petite Charlotte Slinky Cross Front Bralet; however, it comes up a lot higher on me than it did the model so I'm not sure if it's college appropriate but I love it all the same. It was only £8.

Congratulations if you made it to the end of this post. It's probably the longest I have ever written! I hope this has helped you somewhat if you're unsure of what to buy for school or college and good luck next week upon getting you results!

  

Poor 'Clara'

As previously talked about in posts prior to this one, I have some very strong opinions of tabloid media and their attitudes towards celebrities, their invasions of privacy and heartless lack of empathy. I was extremely angry when I woke up this morning to see various pop culture news blogs reporting about the disgustingly malicious interview with Cara Delevingne  on Good Day Sacramento. She was labelled as rude and uninterested by some people, but I wasn't surprised to see most people arguing in her favor, and rightly so. 

 The questions asked were quite pointless in my opinion. Cara, who plays Margo in the new movie adaptation of the John Green best seller, Paper Towns, of course would have read the book in preparation and would have felt some connection with her character otherwise she wouldn't have agreed to play her. As part of the audience to this interview, it was apparent to me that Cara's sarcasm was simply an attempt to lighten the mood that was awkward from the start after the female presenter referred to her as Clara. 

 The interviewers all seemed pretty biased against Cara from the beginning and their comments were just plain rude! There were so many unnecessary comments made, even questioning her ability to handle her schedule and again showing a lack of empathy when questioning whether she can keep focused because of her busy schedule. Of course that doesn't make it easier, she's exhausted. Despite the interviewers hinting at how exhausted she must be, they further accused her of not being excited for the movie. Not only was this extremely unprofessional, but they coerced Cara further into this hole when she tried to defend herself by explaining the evening prior to the interview was the premiere of the movie. 

 The ending of this attack was the most shocking. After Cara defended herself by bringing the premiere to light, the interviewers then stated they would leave her to it and recommended she have some red bull. They then shut Cara's mic down without letting her say goodbye or even stick up for herself. 

 "Well that's a bit too far" you hear Cara say just before her image is removed. Despite her previous warning also: "Don't be mean," the interviewers on the show continued to belittle Cara with derogatory comments and by calling her out simply for her attempts to answer their banal questions in a somehow interesting way. 

 These interviewers showed such a lack of respect to Cara, especially when they further bullied her after her camera was shut off. With no way of defending herself, these interviewers abused Cara about the amount of money she earns and her attitude. They seemed to show no empathy as to how exhausted she must have been and they shed no light on the fact that their comments were disrespectful and that they even got her name incorrect at the beginning of the show which would, of course, make her feel uncomfortable.   

 My message to Good Day Sacramento: If you have such a burning desire to have better answers for your questions, to the extent that you would bully a guest on your show, perhaps you should ask better questions.  

Chloe's 4 Steps To Getting Over Someone

I am in no way an expert as to how love works or how to deal with feelings, in fact, I'm pretty awful at it all. Having had a lot of time to think over my feelings has helped me come up with a plan as to how I'm going to give myself the best future. Whilst missing, hating, craving, misunderstanding and judging the person I used to love all at once over the past few days and weeks I have tried so many different ways of making the best of the situation, every time ending in me getting hurt. Again. So here are some things I have done/am doing to focus on giving myself, and only myself, the best chance. 

1. Cut All Contact.
I think we find it comforting to believe that we could somehow salvage a friendship from the cursed shipwreck that remains of a destroyed relationship; however, sometimes/most times, it's impossible. It's impossible if the other person can't be bothered to put the effort in. It's impossible if you still have questions unanswered and if you're still angry over what they've done to you. It's impossible if you still have loving feelings for that person and they're moving on because you won't be able to shake off those feelings if they're still tormenting you. It's impossible if it's just going to reemerge old memories and old feelings. 
 You have to admit to yourself that the person that hurt you isn't the same individual as the person who loved you. That way, you can remember the good things: the smiles, the kisses, the safety and security etc. without associating those memories with the pain. The only way to stop them from merging together and destroying your faith is to cut them off. Block them on social media. Delete the old text messages and stop torturing yourself with memories of a person that doesn't exist in that way anymore. Delete their number too so that you have no way of getting into contact. Even if it's temporary, you have to cut contact until you no longer look at them and feel that turmoil of emotion. 

2. Express The Negative Feelings.
Every person has a talent, some way of expressing themselves. You can get rid of these negative feelings: the anger, the betrayal, the rejection through whatever that is rather than collapsing on the bathroom floor in a malice ball of frustration and intense melancholy. I write songs. Other people paint pictures or write in journals etc. Whatever you want to do just get the thoughts out of your head. Talk so somebody about them, if you are unsure of what else to do. Just get them out of your head so that you can make sense of them and figure out what is real and what your sadness has created to torture you with. 

3. Buy Some New Underwear. 
This one may be more effective for girls but guys can do this too. Buy yourself something really sexy. A thong, preferably lace or anything along those lines. No, I'm not going insane. Get yourself something they haven't seen or touched. Something you feel good wearing that isn't tainted with the memory of them. Allow yourself to feel reawakened. Realise that feeling good is for yourself, nobody else. Get yourself something that makes you feel clean. 

4. Give Yourself Some Time. 
Don't rush things. A lot of people like to get over one person by rushing into a relationship with the next thing that looks their way. That's fine. However, it's not always the best way. Relationships can fix old wounds but sometimes, if you get it wrong, it just makes those wounds bigger. Rushing into new relationships when you're not ready can be even more damaging so you need to give yourself a few months or even longer just to take a breather and let your scars heal. That way you can't let the damage of the previous relationship spread into the new one. Most likely, you'll find it hard to trust people, you'll get paranoid and rushing into a new relationship can leave you afraid of being alone. I don't need to tell you that none of those things are good things so just take some time out. Of course, you'll miss how it feels to be loved but if you get into a new relationship when you're ready it will be so much better. There's a big difference between wanting to be loved and needing to be loved. 


 Just remember that you're worthy of a full life and that includes having someone that adores you and would never ever hurt you. Getting over somebody takes longer, but I think it's much better than giving someone a second chance to destroy what you have because they may very nearly destroy you in the process. 

June Favourites

I feel as though I haven't blogged for absolutely ages. I also feel like my recent posts have been very heavy so I've taken some time out to just take a breath for a second. (Or a few weeks.) There's so much going on in my life at the moment that I cannot comfortably blog about which I'm sure you've gathered from my posts prior to this one so I have tried to plan a few blog posts that aren't as thoughtful because I simply have too much to think about! 

 I haven't done a favourites since February and so there are lots of products I want to talk about so lets get right to it. 

 The first item I have been loving has been talked about a lot by beauty gurus and bloggers/vloggers since it came out and that is the Maybelline Lash Sensational Mascara. YouTubers such as Zoella and VelvetGhost have praised this product and I have to agree with their comments. It's one of the best 'drugstore' mascaras I have ever used. I struggle with my eyelashes a lot because they just don't like to curl. This mascara not only makes them seem longer and fuller but it just gives so much more shape and volume. I actually would go so far as to say I prefer this mascara to my Urban Decay one which was much more expensive. I have recommended this little product to so many people and have heard nothing but good comments so do try it for yourself! 


 The next product I have adored is a high end product so a little bit more pricey and it is the Too Faced Chocolate Bar eye shadow Pallet. I paid around the £37 mark for this, I don't remember exactly. All I can tell you is it is worth every single penny. The colours are beautiful and so nicely pigmented. They compliment each other so well; any combination I have tried has worked beautifully! Blending really well, the product is easy to use and is really long lasting. What more could you ask for in a pallet? Don't be put off by the price. 
 I have photographed the 2 colours I use the most as an all over lid colour and those are: Marzipan and Creme Brulee. I use the other colours for blending and just adding tone. 
 Clearly the whole pallet is themed around chocolate as you can see by the packaging and names of the products. I have talked about the scent of the product previously in a haul post but if you haven't seen that post: the pallet smells authentically of chocolate. It's amazing. I have also been using the Champagne Truffle shade in conjunction with my eyebrow powder to highlight the brow bone when shading my eyebrows. The colours are stunning and really go above and beyond any expectations of eye shadows. 

 To follow on from that, it seems fitting to go on and talk to you about my new found love of eyebrow shading. This is a product that my mum gave to me after not really bothering with it much. It's by Beautiful Brows.

 I have to say, I used to hate the idea of putting makeup on my eyebrows. I've seen such crimes to makeup walking around with eyebrows that take up their whole forehead that I saw eyebrow shading as very fake and hard to do well. This product is so easy to use it makes me wonder how some people can go so wrong with eyebrow shading. It comes with a dark powder for the brows and a highlighter. I must confess that I haven't used the highlighter at all because it's a very orangey shade and I much prefer using lighter eye shadows to highlight the brow bone with.

  The brush that comes with the pallet is a very tightly bristled brush that can easily cover the brow without the powder going everywhere which is really effective in getting a natural look. You don't need to use much of the powder either; a light tap with the brush on the powder is enough to fill the whole brow without giving you a fake look. Thus, the product is very efficient because you don't need to use much of it and it's very long lasting! It's revolutionized my makeup routine.

Moving away from makeup over to skin care, here is a product that has been a favourite of mine for years. It's the Dove Summer Glow moisturizer. I'm unsure as to whether I've talked about this product on my blog before or not but I adore it. It's totally fool proof and I've been using it since I was about 13. It works all over the body. It makes your skin look and feel so healthy and doesn't give you that horrid orange tone that fake tans often do. One thing I have been loving about this product recently is how helpful it's been to me when I've been dealing with sunburn. I got very sunburned a week before my prom and this product aided me to coercing that burn into a tan much swifter than if I had left it for time to deal with. I just absolutely love the results you get from this product! 

 Another skin care product I've been loving is this Coco Body Butter from Boots. It isn't a brand product but it works wonders. It's especially good to use on legs after shaving. I've been loving it recently for similar reasons for the Dove Summer Glow - It works miracles on sunburn. My skin tends to peel when it gets burnt and this product has helped sooth it much quicker leaving me peel free! It smells incredible and is affordable so give it a try if you have similar problems. 

  

My final favourite is an entertainment favourite, my favourite TV show of all time: Nashville. I recently re watched all of the first 2 seasons for the 3rd time so that i'm ready for the 3rd season that should come out sometime very soon. I was unaware that it airs in the UK so I've missed the first half of season 3 and cannot find it anywhere to catch up which means I'm stuck waiting for the DVD; however, I'm excited and it's such a great show so if you haven't watched it you should. If you love music, you'll love Nashville. 

Thanks for reading. Keep your eyes open for some cool posts coming your way soon! 

Moving On

Hello internet friends. It's been a little while. 

 So much is changing right now, in fact, everything is changing. It's scary. I don't think I have ever been more afraid of life than I am when I currently try to fall asleep at night. However, not all changes are bad and I think I have learned more in the last couple of weeks than I have in the entire 12 years I have spent in full time education. 

 My official last day of school was on Wednesday and I was lucky enough to round up what has been a horrific 5 years at a school I have hated by performing for my year group in our leavers assembly. I carried around my guitar with me all day and am sure I will be remembered for eternity as the girl sat in the corner cuddling a guitar case. There are worse things to be remembered for, I'm sure. Leaving school really put things into perspective for me. When it comes to taking pictures with people you may never see again and signing year books and saying goodbye, you really realise who has influenced you and who you will rapidly forget. When it came to writing a message for the people I believed had made massive impacts on my life, I found myself struggling to know what to say. "Oh yeah thanks for breaking my heart in year 10, really appreciate it." or "Oh btw, thanks for making me insecure about wearing my glasses after all the derogatory comments in year 7." You realise that those things you thought would matter for the rest of your life just don't anymore because that person is just another face you never have to see again. Similarly, I realised who really had influenced me. People I always thought I'd never get along with I found myself writing essays. People who have grown so much since we were 12, who now have their own views and opinions and are real people with values. I couldn't be prouder of the most of the people I got to grow up with. The transition between being a year 7 and a year 11 is incredible because you change so much without even realising it. 

 The only thing that made me really tear up that day was when I went to say goodbye to my favourite English teacher and had to explain to her why I wouldn't be staying on for 6th form at Chipping Campden School. It was remarkable because I didn't have to explain, she just understood. Most teachers ended up questioning me for hours about why I'd hated it there so much but she was the one woman who had got to know her class so much that she knew what we were thinking. That's when I really realised how much I am influenced by strong, sassy women. It really broke my heart that she wouldn't be teaching me next year. 

 I entered that school with no idea who I really was. I left school with a lot of bad memories, but also a lot of really lovely ones due to some really special people that I feel so lucky to have met. I left with scars that might never heal but I wouldn't be without them. Most importantly, I left knowing exactly who I am and what I want out of life. I may never remember Pythagoras' theorem or ever  use Trigonometry (Sorry Mr W.)  But I will never lose touch with the person I have become not because of the school I hated, but because of the students I adored. 

 I have always been one to over plan for the future. It's not necessarily a bad thing but it hasn't done me many favours either because so much can change literally in a blink of an eye. You might just lose the person that you thought would always stay. The person who you thought would always be protecting you may become the very person you need shielding from. The friend you thought cared about you the most might be the one waiting with a knife for your back. You will never ever know a person as well as you know yourself. And so one thing I have had to learn the hard way is that you should never ever under any circumstances put another person before yourself. Ever. Because they probably wouldn't do the same for you. That's the one piece of advice I would give the the people that have influenced me to take with them where ever they go. 

 "People don't always understand the promises they make when they make them" - John Green 

Don't ever give anyone else the opportunity to burn out your flame. Protect yourself but don't build up walls. There's a fine line between self protection and self destruction. 

 I found myself awake at an unsociable hour yesterday morning due to unseen circumstances and I ended up watching Ingrid Nilsen's coming out video multiple times because I found it so breathtakingly beautiful and heartwarming. She emotionally told a story that opened my eyes to how mysterious people are. You can think you know a person inside out yet in the deepest corners of their mind they could be holding a secret so painful and tragic yet so innocent that it's unfair. So another thing that I learned because of that is that you should never judge a person you don't know fully. You can never completely know somebody but losing your patience with someone isn't always justified. You will never know what a person is dealing with or what's going through there mind so take everything with a pinch of salt. People don't make choices without good reason, people wont push you away without good reason. The person who snapped at you when they spoke this morning could be dealing with anything. It's a good idea to find the perfect medium between giving people the benefit of the doubt and then letting people take advantage of you. 

 One thing Ingrid repeated throughout her influential video is that we all deserve our best chance, which brings me back onto the idea of always putting yourself first. That's the most valuable yet painful lesson I have ever learned. Sometimes you have to cut people off because all they will ever do is hurt you. You have to do that to give yourself your best chance. Sometimes you have to abandon the people you love most to get away from a toxic environment. Simply because you deserve your best chance at a full life. So my last piece of advice to all of my classmates is just do whatever the fuck you want: travel, take way too many selfies, talk to strangers (not creepy ones, be sensible about it ), forget appointments and do fun stuff instead, leave a job that makes you unhappy, give a cute guy your number, say no, say yes, make a scrapbook, write a journal and never ever lose touch with who you really are. And always remember that who you are is whoever the frickle frackle you want to be. 

 To anyone wondering why I didn't stay at that school, it's because I needed to give myself my best chance. 

 "I'm giving myself my best chance, and so should you" - Ingrid Nilsen.