Chloe's 4 Steps To Getting Over Someone

I am in no way an expert as to how love works or how to deal with feelings, in fact, I'm pretty awful at it all. Having had a lot of time to think over my feelings has helped me come up with a plan as to how I'm going to give myself the best future. Whilst missing, hating, craving, misunderstanding and judging the person I used to love all at once over the past few days and weeks I have tried so many different ways of making the best of the situation, every time ending in me getting hurt. Again. So here are some things I have done/am doing to focus on giving myself, and only myself, the best chance. 

1. Cut All Contact.
I think we find it comforting to believe that we could somehow salvage a friendship from the cursed shipwreck that remains of a destroyed relationship; however, sometimes/most times, it's impossible. It's impossible if the other person can't be bothered to put the effort in. It's impossible if you still have questions unanswered and if you're still angry over what they've done to you. It's impossible if you still have loving feelings for that person and they're moving on because you won't be able to shake off those feelings if they're still tormenting you. It's impossible if it's just going to reemerge old memories and old feelings. 
 You have to admit to yourself that the person that hurt you isn't the same individual as the person who loved you. That way, you can remember the good things: the smiles, the kisses, the safety and security etc. without associating those memories with the pain. The only way to stop them from merging together and destroying your faith is to cut them off. Block them on social media. Delete the old text messages and stop torturing yourself with memories of a person that doesn't exist in that way anymore. Delete their number too so that you have no way of getting into contact. Even if it's temporary, you have to cut contact until you no longer look at them and feel that turmoil of emotion. 

2. Express The Negative Feelings.
Every person has a talent, some way of expressing themselves. You can get rid of these negative feelings: the anger, the betrayal, the rejection through whatever that is rather than collapsing on the bathroom floor in a malice ball of frustration and intense melancholy. I write songs. Other people paint pictures or write in journals etc. Whatever you want to do just get the thoughts out of your head. Talk so somebody about them, if you are unsure of what else to do. Just get them out of your head so that you can make sense of them and figure out what is real and what your sadness has created to torture you with. 

3. Buy Some New Underwear. 
This one may be more effective for girls but guys can do this too. Buy yourself something really sexy. A thong, preferably lace or anything along those lines. No, I'm not going insane. Get yourself something they haven't seen or touched. Something you feel good wearing that isn't tainted with the memory of them. Allow yourself to feel reawakened. Realise that feeling good is for yourself, nobody else. Get yourself something that makes you feel clean. 

4. Give Yourself Some Time. 
Don't rush things. A lot of people like to get over one person by rushing into a relationship with the next thing that looks their way. That's fine. However, it's not always the best way. Relationships can fix old wounds but sometimes, if you get it wrong, it just makes those wounds bigger. Rushing into new relationships when you're not ready can be even more damaging so you need to give yourself a few months or even longer just to take a breather and let your scars heal. That way you can't let the damage of the previous relationship spread into the new one. Most likely, you'll find it hard to trust people, you'll get paranoid and rushing into a new relationship can leave you afraid of being alone. I don't need to tell you that none of those things are good things so just take some time out. Of course, you'll miss how it feels to be loved but if you get into a new relationship when you're ready it will be so much better. There's a big difference between wanting to be loved and needing to be loved. 


 Just remember that you're worthy of a full life and that includes having someone that adores you and would never ever hurt you. Getting over somebody takes longer, but I think it's much better than giving someone a second chance to destroy what you have because they may very nearly destroy you in the process.