Two years ago, when I was leaving school, I went through the biggest transition of my life so far. I had been miserable at my school and I was desperate to have some sort of freedom to figure out who I was. I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship and I had to grow up very quickly. I was surrounded by people and adults who were trying to suppress me rather than giving me the space to flourish. I had to leave the few positive people I had in my life behind and just run as soon as I was given the chance.
I wrote a few blog posts about moving on from secondary school and it doesn't feel like time yet to be writing another post about leaving sixth form.
I set myself so many goals when I left school.
I needed to encourage myself and let myself heal and become a better person.
I needed to leave the negative people behind, however hard that was.
I needed to make the choices that would be the best for me and nobody else.
I don't think I could ever do justice to what the last two years has meant for me and what I have achieved personally, regardless of what grades I pick up in August.
It's taken me two years to complete these goals. Many of them I've only fully embraced in the last few months; but I did it. I've learned so many lessons in the last two years, most of them the hard way; but I finally feel like I have become the person that my 16 year old self needed to be more than anything.
I break my own heart when I think back to the person I was when I came to this college.
I had let so many people take advantage of me, I had let people cause a lot of damage. I'm proud to know that the person I am now would never let that happen. I am a person that sticks up for herself. I speak out when people do me wrong. I make choices that are in my best interests. I have embraced the things that I love and I'm not afraid to succeed.
It took me a long time to realise that some of the people I was holding onto were just as toxic as the ones I had let go. I stopped forcing a lot of things: friendships, projects etc. and I embraced the things that felt right.
I am now surrounded by a few positive people. Although that is a very small few, I know that the ones I have are the ones I can rely on.
I've met amazing people studying in Stratford. I've had amazing opportunities. It doesn't feel right to be leaving.
Before, I couldn't wait to just run away at full speed and forget everything.
Now I'm not leaving behind pain, I'm leaving behind happiness and if anything, that's even more terrifying.
I am I excited to go on to Uni next September but I am not excited to not be coming into Stratford every day. I have honestly had so much fun. A levels are stressful for everyone but I can only imagine the pressure I would be feeling had I stayed at my old school rather than coming here. The one thing I gained which is more important to me than anything is the ability to enjoy what I learn and to love learning things.
I have been able to rediscover so much of myself that had been buried under the unpleasantness of secondary school and I feel so ready to take on the next step now.
One thing I do know about leaving Stratford is that I'm leaving behind all of my ties with my old life. I see the last two years as the period of dusting myself off and once I leave and go somewhere new, I can finally run at what I want to achieve.
Having moved house recently, I will be both living and studying completely away from everything that went wrong for me. I'll have no connections, no ties. It's exciting as well as hard, but this time I feel ready.
If I could bear reading back through my old posts about where I was two years ago, if it wasn't for the trauma attached to it, I know that I have made that girl proud. Thank you for everything, Stratford.
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