My Journal

I've been thinking of writing a post like this for a couple of months now; since we've reached one of my favourite times of year and everything feels a little bit more cosy, now seems like the perfect time. So as I snuggle down in my favourite jumper with a blanket to write this post I'm wondering where to start with explaining why I think keeping journals is so important for keeping a happy, healthy mind. As a child I always wrote diaries. In fact, I'm quite proud (and obviously horrified and embarrassed) of the fact that my six year old self wrote extremely detailed and eloquent entries considering the age. I was always good at writing so it doesn't seem that shocking when I look back; however, just the fact that I had such a clear understanding of my feelings at that age seems quite strange when I think back. 

 Oddly enough, once I actually got to the age where I needed to have a clear understanding of my feelings, I seemed to just fall out of the habit of writing them down. In fact, I didn't even keep a diary of events from the age of about 11+. I assume this was because I simply didn't have the time anymore to write in depth in journals and also, more obviously, because I found songwriting as an alternative. Subconsciously, I have always advocated that writing things down is the best way to deal with feelings; when being involved with different kinds of relationships, I've always said when people come to me with problems: "Have you written about it?" As a songwriter and just a writer in general, this always seemed like a logical thing to me. I didn't realise that not everyone writes as an outlet because it had become to natural to me in songwriting that I didn't even realise I was doing it myself. 

 So I suppose, the transition from writing in diaries to writing songs gave me such a natural open minded approach to sharing feelings. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don't really think much to saying exactly what I'm feeling. I put all my cards down, always. In fact, sometimes I will just write huge letters to people, pouring my heart out to people who have hurt me or whatever and actually feel comfortable with sending them. I am fully aware that some people will find that uncomfortable but the people who get to know me know that that's just how I I deal with things. I'm not a great speaker, but I'm a natural writer. And do you know what? It helps! I've managed to mend so many broken relationships through writing about my feelings, whether I send it or not. 

 It occurred to me eventually that wearing your heart on your sleeve is only safe for so long. There's only so many times you can confess your feelings to somebody before it starts to lose it's meaning, it's direct effects. But there's still so much left to say sometimes. That's when I realised what I had tragically lost in how my writing had grown with me: I don't write for myself anymore. I'd been writing to entertain people and to fix people and to encourage people but for years it had never been to help myself. So I wen't out and a brought myself a journal- the first journal I had even held for about 6 years. The reason I call it a journal and not a diary is because it's not really consistently me writing out my exact actions and feelings. It's full of so many different things: Letters to people that I'm not so comfortable sharing with them, poems and lyric ideas, lists of things that have made me smile. All sorts of things. When I was little, I used to write as if someone was going to read my diary so I'd explain things so they could understand. I don't really do that anymore, because it's just for myself. I write about people who have made me angry or upset and I just focus on why rather than telling the whole story; and I have to say I feel so much healthier for it. 

 Writing a journal hasn't just helped me avoid the awkward "I miss you" texts to my ex that I will instantly regret, but it's helped me avoid getting suppressed and confused by my own thoughts and feelings. And it's helped me notice when I'm getting happier. Recently, I haven't been reaching for my journal to write letters as much as I was 2 months ago because I'm running out of things to miss and things to want. I can notice now how much easier things are getting and I'm so thankful that I made myself do this because it's so uplifting to know I saved myself. I suppose the reason I wanted to write about this is because I think everyone should have a journal, whether you're a writer or not. It's not for anybody else it's for yourself. Moreover, if you are somebody that has a lot of feelings you need to have an outlet for that. It's not healthy at all to keep suppressing feelings because you feel like nobody is listening, you don't always need to have a person to talk to in order to talk things through. 

 My journal is from WHSmiths and it has a running theme of travelling. The cover is a world map and running through the pages are quotations based on journeys and travelling. I suppose the idea of this was that you could use it to write about your experiences travelling the world; however, I was drawn to it because I felt like each quote would encourage me to continue documenting everything and to keep going. I have so many books like this that have quotes in them so if you're having a bad day you can just open up to a random page and feel a bit comforted. Words have so much power within our everyday lives; if you find you struggle like I have done with having too many words in your head, try writing about them. It really does help.