Spring Clothing Haul

I decided upon doing a much more lighthearted post this week that would be a little bit more fun and easy to read. I have recently done some online shopping which was a bit of a roller coaster. Being such an awkward size makes buying clothes very difficult because even small UK sizes are huge. I found myself spending a little bit more money than I usually would just to order from shops that feature petite ranges because at least then the clothes would fit properly. 

 A couple of months ago a ordered from Boohoo. I've always loved Boohoo because they feature pretty much every style and size you could possibly need; however, this time I was really disappointed. I usually buy clothes in a size 6 unless the shop stocks a size 4, in most cases its very rare for a shop to stock size 4 so my clothes are always a little baggy. I have this one pair of jeans that were a hand me down from my older sister and they are the most comfortable thing I own. They're from Boohoo. So I figured if I was to order more jeans in the smallest size Boohoo stock then they would be bound to fit me really well. I was wrong. A pair of what were supposed to be super skinny fit jeans in fact looked like this: ->

I wasn't too happy. So I sent most of my order back and received a refund after about 2 weeks. The only item I kept from this order was this really lovely dress. It is a bit too baggy but it fits and I figure it could last next summer too. It will be great for those hot summer days when you want a nice, light fabric that wont cling to you. I paid £8 for this which is a bargain. Despite the sizing issue, Boohoo is fantastic when it comes to prices. As shown by the image, it comes just above the knee and isn't too tight fitted but it's comfortable and looks elegant. Perfect to wear over a bikini on the beach this summer or just a classic outfit to keep you cool when the weather gets warmer. All was not lost. 

 After having to send the rest of the items back and wait for my refund, I decided to wait a few more weeks to let my wages build up and to consider shopping at some more expensive shops. I've always been put off Top Shop because their prices are so high and I could never afford more than a few things at a time. I'm not very patient with saving money so I've just never had the budget for them. However, having spent less money for clothes that didn't fit, I was looking for a shop that had a half decent petite section for me to shop in and I didn't really mind spending a little bit more for some clothes that would actually fit comfortably.

 When looking at the Top Shop online store, I already had an idea of the kind of clothing I needed. I was desperately lacking jeans that fit me well and so I decided to chose some nice jeans first. The jeans from Top Shop cost about £40 a pair and so I wasn't going to be buying many! But I really wanted some plain white jeans and so I fell for this pair with a subtle rip just across the knee.

 These are the smallest size they stock. They fit perfectly and comfortably and I can tell that they will go with so many of my tops so I'm glad I decided to spend a little bit more. I always have been wary of white jeans because they can sometimes be a little bit transparent but these aren't. These are a really good buy and Top Shop also stock some similar but with more or less rips in them so go and check them out if you're feeling adventurous!

Now, I'm a bit of a sucker for a midi dress when I see one. I think they're so comfortable and complimentary to wear. Black and White stripes are really in this spring so I really fell in love with this dress! It cost about £22 and I absolutely love it. I find dresses like these perfect to wear at gigs or just for a casual trip out. It's made of such a comfortable fabric and you can tell it's good quality! I can't wait to wear this. I think the black and white stripe look will look stunning with a simple makeup look and red lipstick



The next thing that caught my eye was this stunning white cropped T Shirt with black flower detailing. It looks gorgeous with my black jeans. Again, it's such a comfortable item to wear in the summer because it doesn't cling to your skin or smother you too much. It's such a simple design and was well worth £22. It gives the perfect finish to a casual day time look.
 Again, it is true to size and would look perfect on all different body types and figures. I cannot wait to show this little piece off!



The final item I bought from Top Shop is this simple but cute little crop top with black and white stripe detailing. As previously mentioned, the black and white stripes are very fashionable this season so I can't wait to wear this. Perfect for going out or even just to show off a tan. I love items like this because they go with almost anything be it a little skater skirt or jeans. I think I paid about £12 for this. The fabric it's made from is lovely. It's strong but is soft on your skin and again feels like it's good quality!






I then decided to have a look on the Miss Selfridge online store to see if there was anything that caught my eye. I had liked the look of a khaki green strappy top from Top Shop but they typically didn't have it in my size. I found this top in a similar colour but different style and fell equally in love with it. It's beautiful. It's the nicest design and goes with both black and white jeans. The straps are slightly too long but I can easily stitch them so it hangs comfortably. It is a crop top when it's put on which I didn't realise but it still looks lovely and I'm really happy with it! I again think this was about £22.



The last item I got was a pair of black ripped jeans. Jeans from Miss Selfridge also cost about £40 a pair. I love these so much! They're so comfortable and complimenting when you wear them. The rips fall just below the knee and are really subtle. They go with pretty much anything and complete the perfect outfit for going out.

 These are also in the smallest size that Miss Selfridge stock (in the petite section) and fit me so perfectly around the waist which is a miracle as I usually have to take in my jeans so they stay up!


I hope this helped you if you're like me and struggle to find clothing that fits! I would advise anyone to try spending a little more when you go clothes shopping as you will find the more you spend, the better the product in terms of description and living up to expectations.  

A Smile Is Contagious

I went busking about a week ago for the first time in a while. It took a lot for me to do it. I often feel very anxious about going busking, I'm not really sure why. I have to practically force myself onto the bus in the morning to do it. Even though I know for a fact that it's fine and it isn't scary and I always enjoy it, I still get nervous. The last time I went I almost didn't go; in fact, I had planned to go several times throughout Easter/Spring break and every single time I changed my mind or conveniently found something much more anxiety free to do (such as revision.) Of course, revision isn't a bad thing but I started to go a bit stir crazy and definitely needed to leave the house. So I dragged my sorry behind out of my living room for the day and did some busking. 

 I always think busking gives musicians a bit of a bad name because it's assumed we all do it for the money. It's true, you can make a fair bit from busking. However, I think for me busking is more of a chance to do what I enjoy. I get to sit for hours doing what I love the most (which I'd probably be doing at home in my room alone anyway) and I might make £30 from it. It gives you performance experience as well as time to try out new material. In most cases, people find buskers annoying and I, more often that not, get filthy glances off people as they walk past ignoring what I'm doing. But the reason I manage to drag myself into Stratford to do it no matter how anxious it makes me feel is that it makes so many people smile. 

 The amount of little kids that walk past mesmerized by what I'm doing in incredible. Most of them just get dragged along by busy mothers desperate to get to poundland before the bus leaves them behind but the occasional few parents will just let them watch for a while. And they love it. It makes them so happy and that makes me happy because I was always inspired by music from a very young age and if I can pass that along to younger people then I've achieved something amazing. It isn't just small kids that enjoy it either. I had a lovely mother and her daughter stop and give me a large sum of cash just because I happened to play her favourite song. And there was even a man who watched me for a good hour just to listen. 

 It wasn't me that they were captivated by, it was the music. 

Whenever I am out and about I will always give what change I have to a busker if I see one; I know what it's like to be sat there in the cold desperate to make enough cash to be able to afford that flashy guitar strap you've had your eye on. It makes them happy and it doesn't really cost me much. I think music that people can feel and relate to makes them happy, even if it's a sad song. Capturing emotions in something people can take with them and listen to is such an important thing to me and to be able to make someone smile just because they've heard a lyric as they walked past me that made them think of something is magical. It's all I've ever wanted to do. Even if you can't or don't wish to give 50p to a busker in the street, smile at them. If you smile at them it shows that you appreciate what they're doing which isn't trying to make money but to spread their passion. 

 Music is the most efficient way of storing memories that there is. I was listening to a whole bunch of old songs on my iPhone on the way into Stratford that day and I found myself spontaneously attacked by an army of nostalgic tunes that I had forgotten about. Songs that reminded me of old friendships or ex boyfriends or whatever it is. If you listen to a song or an album when going through a certain thing that feeling will always be echoed in that lyric or that melody. Sometimes it's inconvenient, for instance, if you associate your favourite song with a doochebag before you realise he's a douchebag... there's no going back. That song is ruined forever. But it's equally as magical. If you're lucky enough to capture the whole feeling of falling in love in a certain album or song, that will stay with you for as long as that album is playing. Forever. And that's what a musician wants. They want to give you a soundtrack to capture your memories in. That's what music is for us. So please don't glare at buskers when you walk past them. Smile and remember whatever lyric they're singing and then if you're to hear that lyric again you'll remember the 16 year old kid who woke up at 7am in their school holiday just to go stand in the cold and do what they enjoy. If that's not a nice feeling to remember then I don't know what is. It sound much nicer than hearing that lyric again and remembering the grumpy mood you were in when you were just to preoccupied with the thought of a latte from starbucks before you head back to your flashy office job. 

 If you don't want to give money, a polite smile costs you nothing.  

 Finally, I need to round this up in some philosophical way so I guess what I want you to take from this isn't just to be kind to buskers on the street but just to be kind to everyone. As previously highlighted, I myself used to think buskers just wanted money before I started doing it but now I understand it much better:

 You don't know what other people are thinking or what they're trying to achieve. The one thing I hate is cynical people. No matter what's going on smile at people. They might smile back. And then they might smile at someone else because you made them smile. Not only is it a kind thing to do but it's important. You might give someone the only smile they have that day. People have complications and layers. You won't always know what's going on so just smile. Don't assume that someone is rude just because they don't want to talk. Don't assume a busker is greedy just because they've gone out to earn themselves some money. Don't assume that someone is happy just because they're laughing. Kindness goes a long way. Smiles work like dominoes so go and spread the love. Or the Nutella. 

Second Thoughts About After School Plans

A lot of you reading this may think I've left it a little bit too late to write a post like this. I am well aware (believe me) that year 11 exams are literally a few weeks away (!) and plans for next year should be well underway and finalized by now. I've had conversations with so many people about what we're all doing after we finish year 11 and I have become increasingly concerned about how limited people think their options are.
 The sixth form at my school have completed their time table for A Levels and have met very little of my friends' requirements meaning a lot of them are forced into taking subjects they don't really want to in order to replace subjects that my school cannot be bothered to fit into their time tables. Most of my friends are unhappy. I've asked so many of them multiple times why they don't look for somewhere else to go and the reply I receive is tragically always: "It's too late." 

 I want to show people that it's not too late. Most colleges and sixth forms will accept applicants right up until the first few weeks of the next school year. That means you could change your mind even after starting sixth form where you are currently planning on going. So clearly you can change your mind now! My school is guilty of the following which gives students a misleading message; many schools that have sixth forms will say they want application forms in by the mid winter terms so they can figure out a time table. My school have clearly done a shoddy job of this but most colleges will allow you to apply at any point and will do whatever they can to fit your subjects in because they are typically more flexible. This is definitely something you should think about; If your school cannot give you what you need, go elsewhere. 

 My choice to abandon my school when it came to sixth form was a difficult one to make but I made it very early on into year 11. I've never ever been happy at my school as you can probably tell from my tone when discussing them. I have contemplated many times writing a blog post to review and warn people about my school because I am that disgusted by the way it is run but I feel like this wouldn't reach the right people considering I write a beauty blog and it wouldn't benefit anybody. Instead I am going to be more vague and just discuss the issues I have had so that anybody having similar issues can be inspired to take a leap and go elsewhere. 

 Clashes with staff are inevitable at a secondary school because they insist on treating you like a child and speaking to you with minimal respect. A secondary school's thirst for discipline often results in you constantly being spoken to like a delinquent rather than a human being with human and student rights. I have a few teachers who are willing to speak to me on an equal level; however, the rest seem to thoroughly enjoy talking down to us like we are an old piece of gum that has been flicked off the bottom of one of the desks. Not only do secondary school rules insist of stripping you of any personality you may have by banning jewelry, hair colouring etc. But they also encourage you to look and behave in a plain, boring manor by punishing you for any forms of expressing yourself that you may undertake and insisting you wear a horrific uniform that they seem to care more about that actual education. I've seen students who get admirable grades thrown into detentions and internals just because they've died their hair when students that muck about and get despicable grades get rewarded when they behave well! I'm pretty sure this isn't specific to my school but if it is, I'm extremely glad I decided to move. 
 Secondary schools commonly have a senior staff team that cannot wait and are desperately hungry for punishing and belittling students. There is no room for making mistakes at a secondary school because your teachers will soon forget all of the creditable things you have done over the years and immediately speak to you like you poses no rights or assets. Many secondary schools claim that once you reach sixth form you are spoken to with respect and like an adult. I have spoken to so many sixth form students that have informed me this isn't true. And even if that did happen, it should be the same for all students not just A Level students. My school and any other school that have this attitude need to have a serious re evaluation of their attitudes towards pupils and even their parents. 

 The social side of school can be very difficult also and stimulate a student's desire to move on. I have skipped through so many friendship groups whilst being at school. Mostly because for girls, the thirst for popularity is too much to handle and they forget which friends are their true friends which resulted in me getting dropped a fair few times because I didn't have my PE kit in a paper Jack Wills bag. Furthermore, for most of my secondary school life I have felt out of place and like I didn't belong anywhere. I've only the last year or so found a friendship group that I fit in with and get along with. 

 You may be wondering why I then chose to move schools after finally being accepted socially. Most of the reasons I have previously discussed when analyzing the attitudes of secondary school senior staff so I will highlight to you now why I think a college is a better environment for me. 

 First and foremost they encourage you to express yourself and your individuality which is key to finding who you are which is hard when you're 16-17. Secondly, they allow you to make mistakes and offer so much more support into setting things right. They offer much more facilities in terms of making important decisions such as higher education or career paths and they genuinely care about whatever you do. They wont be constantly pushing you to stay at their site. You are allowed much more freedom and space to do what you want and learn however you want which is better for young adults who will soon be expected to live independently. Moreover, you can guarantee that at a college you have much more space and will be in a much more positive enviroment which inevitably enables you to focus much more on the courses you are doing. 

 My advice to anybody who has had similar issues to me is simply to go somewhere else. Don't trust the school you are currently at because it's clearly not the right school for you. I had so many opportunities to move schools and was too afraid to. I kept trusting that as I got older school would get better and it never did. Move on, meet new people and try new places rather than staying in an enviroment that is unhealthy for you. Think of it as a relationship: you can't stay in an unhealthy relationship hoping it will just get better because it wont. It doesn't. No matter how numinous you feel about it, trust that it could get better if you leave and if it doesn't, you haven't lost out on anything because you weren't happy in the first place. 

 My advice to people who don't want to stay at a sixth form is literally to keep your mind open. You can honestly do anything you want. Don't allow people to tell you what you should be doing or what your parent's want. You can honestly do whatever you want to do. Look into some college courses or apprenticeships and see whats available to you. Make sure to go on taster days and to open evenings and just never tell yourself it's too late to change your mind because you can change your mind even when you start doing whatever it is you chose to do. 

 The most important thing is your happiness because if you aren't happy in what you're doing inevitably you wont be happy in the career you end up qualified for, so don't settle for anything less than what you want. If your school can't give you the A Level options you want then find another sixth form. If the college you're looking at doesn't offer the course you want find another college not another course. If your parents want you to be a lawyer and you want to be a magician tell your parents where to go. It's your life and your choice so ensure that you're happy and everyone else can figure themselves out. 

The Ugly Truth Behind High Street Nail Bars

 Having a mother who is qualified in any field of beauty comes in very handy for any teenage girl, myself included. My mum is a qualified and talented manicurist/ nail technician and she knows her job very well. She has always forewarned me against treatments in high street nail bars and today I discovered for myself exactly why. 
 Mum receives endless complaints from clients about various nail treatments they have had done and she is constantly removing what is supposed to be one product from a clients nails only to discover it is a fake replica of a high end product. We were in Birmingham today shopping for my prom dress and decided to see for ourselves what goes on in these salons and what it is that draws people into that false sense of security. 

 The most important part of any business is customer service and that is where these establishments fall completely flat. Not only is there a lack of communication between the Nail Technician and the client but you'll undoubtedly find yourself sat behind the manicure desk listening to a conversation in a foreign language whilst you wait awkwardly to be acknowledged. This made me feel very uncomfortable, especially seeing as they sat my mum on the other side of the shop to me despite it being completely empty when we walked in! I fail to see how this would appeal to anybody as half the fun for us ladies when it comes to having any sort of pampering done is the thought of having a nice chat and gossip with our manicurist/stylist or whomever you're having treatment with. 

 Another thing that shocked me was how incorrect their techniques are! It's difficult for a customer to notice these things because only somebody qualified would know how the job is supposed to be done. I'm lucky enough to have somebody who can show me a decent manicure so I can easily spot a bad job and my mother certainly can see it from a mile off. The first mistake made was when filing the nail; this again comes under a failure in customer service, however, I wasn't even asked what shape in which I prefer to wear my nails. I now have half of my nails square and a couple circular! To say they look odd would be an understatement! Another huge failure in technique was when painting them. These bars hardly ever use base coat nail polish which means any dark colour will stain your nail and be horrific when it comes to removing the polish! In addition, the manicurist will hardly ever apply the polish correctly. They don't cap the ends when painting and so consequently the colour will most likely peel off as soon as you submerge your hands in water. Furthermore, the technicians don't use hand cream or any kind of lotion to prep your hands which leaves them feeling dry once the treatment is finished. These are little details only a professional would notice but it's worth taking note off. 

 What appalled me the most was the lack of hygiene measures that these bars perform. My mum uses disposable nail files with her clients that are simply thrown away after use. So clearly, one nail file is used per client, they are never reused. So when the lady doing my nails pulled out a clearly over used nail file that had dead bits of nail flicking off it I was slightly disgusted. Not only this, but to sterilise the instruments used for cuticle work, she simply dipped them in the warm water my hands were soaking in. There was no sign of any disinfectant to clean them whatsoever. In our salon, we soak all of our instruments, combs and all of those things in Barbicide which is a type of disinfectant commonly used in salons. 

 What this lack of hygiene means in that any kind of fungal infection somebody might unknowingly have can be spread from client to client very quickly. Most Nail Technicians will check on arrival for any sign of fungal infections and not permit treatment to any client that may have one for that reason. Due to lack of communication between the Technicians and the clients in these salons, no such check takes place and so anybody could be spreading harmful germs. Consequently, due to lack of sterilisation, by undergoing treatment at one of these nail bars you expose yourself to any kind of infection. 

 The final issue would again only be noticed by somebody who is a qualified technician. If you walk into a nail bar and see a certificate on the wall listing every single manicure course under the sun it is highly unlikely that it is legitimate. Anyone who has taken part in a nail course will know that for each type of treatment you get a separate certificate. My mum has several for all of the different types of polish and gel and extension she is trained in. Genuine certificates should be displayed by any establishment offering nail treatment or at least be available for a client to look at if the wish. My advice to you is that if you walk into a nail bar and see a large certificate listing several courses, turn around and walk straight back out again because it is one certificate per course. If they've been taught all of those treatments on one course, they haven't been taught properly!


Overall, I hope this has opened your eyes to these bars. So what can you do as an alternative? If you're willing to pay £15-£20 for a shoddy job then I'm sure you wont mind paying slightly more, if not the same price, for a decent one? Most salons these days have qualified manicurists so it's just a case of finding a comfortable salon for you and a technician that you get along with. You can say goodbye to sitting alone silently whilst listening to your technician have a completely separate conversation in an unknown language (that for all we know could be about the state of our nails!) and say hello to a friendly face and maybe even a cup of tea whilst you're there! And you can guarantee your manicurist will be fully qualified and know what they're doing. You don't even have to be lucky to have fully sterilised and clean equipment, it goes without saying. I know I would much rather pay more money for a decent set of nails and I can assure you I will never be walking into one of those nail bars again.  

Chatty Blogger & Why I Fell Out Of Love With Love Me Beauty | You Beauty Introduction.

Well that was the longest blog title in the whole world! 

 2 posts in one weekend, how lucky are you guys! I wouldn't usually post this much in one go but I have so many ideas for blog posts I want to do and I'm so behind on what I have promised you and so I want to get a move on with things. 

 First and foremost I want to say a humongous thank you for getting my last post to 103 views. Seriously that is just incredible to me. That's pretty much 4x what any of my posts usually get and I am well and truly flabbergasted! Yesterday's post was probably the most personal piece of writing that has ever come from my fingertips and to receive so much support and love from you all was incredible. I'm sending you so much love and huggles right now! 

 Now, I hate to start complaining (again) but I'm afraid that's where I'm going because after falling so deeply in love with the Love Me Beauty box I have had my heart rejected and smashed beneath their feet and so I just want to explain to you why they won't be featured on my blog anymore which is unfortunate because I planned to feature them monthly (for free) and only managed to once. I also want to warn you in case you were planning on subscribing to them. 

 Now, like I previously mentioned in the Love Me Beauty blog posts prior to this one, I couldn't afford to pre-subscribe for more than one month because they insisted on having the multiple months subscriptions all paid at once which made the price extortionate. So, I subscribed for one month and planned to just renew this subscription when I could afford a box that month. I failed to see any flaw in this plan and do not understand what went wrong. 

 On the 5th of March my credits were supposed to be renewed so I could get another box; they weren't. I gave them about a week thinking something had gone wrong before I emailed them to make them aware of this issue. Now, I must give credit where credit is due, I had a lovely email back but despite them being friendly, there was a distinctive lack of information. They basically told me that my account had been cancelled and if I wanted to subscribe again I would have to use another email address. 

 This annoyed me slightly, I hadn't cancelled my account so who had? surely that cannot happen without me requesting? My Love Me Beauty account had always been a bit glitchy. Every single time I loaded the website I had to fill in the same beauty questionnaire because it didn't save my results. I kid you not I must have filled that thing in about 30 times. So, I decided to look elsewhere. There must be a package more friendly to my age group? Less pricey and more time efficient!

 And thanks to a fantastic blog called "WhichBeautyBoxUK" I managed to find one. I featured her instagram in my February Favourites if you want to check her out! I looked through all the beauty boxes she is subscribed to and found one that fits me perfectly and it is the You Beauty box. 

 This box is less than half the price of the Love Me Beauty box and is so much better! 

The presentation is a million times better than what I received from my single Love Me Beauty box and I think the way they fill the boxes is so much better: 
You chose two products to try out rather than 4 like LMB. Despite this, I still prefer it. They then send you extras along with that so you get more than your moneys worth! This is better for me because it means I get to try out products I wouldn't necessarily have chosen myself. 

I'll admit, I'll miss the products I could have gotten from Love Me Beauty, the March collection looked so good and I was really looking forward to ordering. Sadly, they've lost a customer!

 I'll show you what my box from You Beauty looks like:

As you can see, the tissue paper looks so much more creative than the drawstring bags of Love Me Beauty history! And they include a little leaflet which tells you about the extra products they have included. They include such a range of products and I am so excited about what I'm going to receive in the future. They automatically take the £6.95 from your bank on the first of every month as a direct debit and so you don't have to pay upfront which is great for someone on a lower budget. Furthermore, it's quick to pick what you want, no filling out of forms or anything time consuming. I would recommend this beauty box to any younger beauty lover who can't afford the more expensive boxes!

 I will be doing similar posts with these boxes as I was planning to do with the Love Me Beauty: Reviews & Make Up looks where relevant. 

 I like to keep you updated with whats coming up on my blog so here's my plan for the next month or so. 
I haven't forgotten about my reviews and make up looks for the Too Faced and Naked pallets plus Nars lipstick I brought a few weeks ago - that's coming up soon! In addition to this, seeing as you love my lifestyle posts (fancy way of saying rants) I'm planning a couple more about some more subjects I care massively about so keep your eyes pealed. These take a lot more planning as I like to make sure I cover every detail and make them as well written as possible so bare with me! 

Another thing I want to start doing is a feature I'm going to call 'Quick Tips Tuesday' where I will share some kind of tip with you whether it be beauty related or whatever! It wont be regular just whenever I have things to share with you. They will literally be a couple of paragraphs long. 

 Hope you are all well, I love you massive amounts. Goodnight and Happy Sunday!

With Love, Chloe x. 

"Oh My God, Why Are You So Skinny?"

As a society I think we are all pretty aware that the media conveys a very false image of what the perfect body should look like. I've been influenced by this as much as the next girl has but over that last few years some issues have come to my attention that blend in so much with every day life that it is assumed acceptable and I'm failing to understand why. I've tried to write about this so many times. I've posted tweets, facebook status' and people just don't seem to understand it. Even people who I would consider also fall victim to these comments just don't see what's wrong about people's comments and perspectives. 

 We grow up with images of slim, perfectly airbrushed women being shoved in our faces and assume that that is the correct way to look. As a result of this people assume that anyone with a thin body is confident and happy with the way they look. We also assume that that is what everyone thinks is beautiful which causes girls who are slightly curvier than those women to feel insecure in themselves. We are all aware of this issue and that is not where this blog post is going because I honestly think that the issue of curvier girls being insecure about their weight isn't as apparent now as it was a few years ago. Plus, I don't relate to that kind of insecurity that much so I wouldn't feel comfortable writing about it. Instead I want to bring to your attention how uncomfortable thinner girls can feel about their bodies because people seem to think that if you are thin you don't have any insecurities at all.

 There is such a lack of empathy for slim girls and it makes me so angry. There are so many people promoting self confidence for bigger girls which is amazing and such a good thing but who said they are the only people to feel insecure? Shouldn't we be encouraging bodily confidence for people of all shapes and sizes and not making it out to be accessible to one specific body type? 

 I have battled with my weight every since I was in primary school. People are always surprised when I confess that I am insecure with they way my body looks; it's as if I don't have a right to feel uncomfortable with myself just because I'm small. I firstly began to feel uncomfortable at the age of 9 when one of my teachers openly asked me in front of other students whether I was eating properly because my arms and legs looked 'too skinny.' I noticed this kind of prejudice again when I was 10 when a pupil slightly older than me referred to me as being 'so anorexic.' I again began to feel even more paranoid when I started working and a lady I worked with would constantly check what I was having for lunch and how I'd eaten in the week because she was convinced I had some sort of eating disorder. This kind of harassment began again when my doctor worked out my BMI to be less than it should be for my age and decided I needed counselling despite both myself and my parents insisting that I was eating properly. 

 Being anorexic is something I have been accused of a lot. I don't think there is a single person in my life, who I'm not related to, who hasn't at some point accused me of starving myself or having an unhealthy attitude to food. This I don't understand because it's usually the people who have watched me eat huge amounts of food or even had meals with me. I want to be really careful when writing this paragraph because mental illness is an issue very close to my heart and I don't want to upset anybody or come across as being disrespectful. But I find this offensive, not only to me, but to the people who genuinely suffer from these illnesses. I know that if I was to have one of these disorders and someone pestered me about what I was eating I would just try to hide it even more. You can't react to mental illness in that way! One of the worst things you can do is walk up to someone's face and accuse them of starving themselves. If you really, genuinely suspect that then talk to their parents, or to a teacher or work colleague or even to their doctor. Never walk up to somebodies face if you suspect that they're mentally ill and accuse them of that because it's like lighting a fuse. 

 One thing I am sick of even more so than being called 'Skinny,' is being made to feel like I don't have a right to dislike my body. If I say to people I want to eat more healthily or even start working out properly they automatically assume that it's because I want to lose weight and I get bombarded with comments like: "but you're so skinny," or, "I would kill to be as skinny as you" or even "is that why you're so skinny?" I'm sorry but why does that have to be the reason I want to get fit or be more healthy? I'll tell you why I'm planning on eating healthier and joining gym: because I want to. 

Why is that not a good enough reason?

 One thing people don't understand is that "skinny" is NOT a compliment. You would be mortified if somebody walked up to a curvy girl and said "why are you so fat?" and rightly so because that is a disgusting, vile comment to make. Even though curvy portrays the same image it's a nicer way to say it. It's the same with calling someone skinny, it's a horrible word. The difference between calling someone skinny and calling them slim is that skinny implies that they are too thin. It's an unappealing word  that suggests you look unhealthy or unattractive. One problem with my generation especially is that we are less quick to think about what we say before we say it. Just by saying 'You're so slim' rather than 'you're so skinny' you automatically avoid hitting any nerve. It's so much kinder and much more of a compliment. Just think about how your words come across before you say them. Even though your intentions are good and you're trying to pay someone a compliment, it comes off as more of an insult and it's just not nice! 

 Like I mentioned previously, there has been a recent rise in media protest against curvier girls feeling insecure about their bodies which is something I support and encourage. However, it does portray that slimmer girls don't have a right to feel uncomfortable or even that they shouldn't be encouraged to feel comfortable too. 

 There were many reason's why 'About That Bass' by Meghan Trainor offended me immensely when I first heard it. Not only because thinner girls were described as 'skinny b*tches' but also because of how disgusting the message from that song actually is and it's disguised behind the fact that it's supporting body confidence. The lyric 'boys like a little more booty to hold tonight' ruins the whole message for me. This is also something I have seen all over the media that boys like curvier girls and boys like to be able to grab something. I'm sorry but why are we basing our self worth over what men want? It's our body not theirs! Not only does that song completely defeat the object of promoting bodily confidence by slamming slim girls but it gives out the message for the wrong reasons and I can't believe people actually use it as a mantra to live by. 

 The only thing girls should really be worrying about is how they feel about their body. Not what the media says they should think or what boys think. It's your body so get yourself to a place where you are comfortable with it. 
 Yes, I am quite slim and so I don't feel like I need to lose any weight but I still worry about how my body looks sometimes. I try to work out as much as possible because I worry that my body doesn't look very nice. This probably stems back from all of the comments I've had regarding anorexia over the years and so I try to make sure everything is toned and looks nice because I've been made to feel so insecure about it. 

 Another false message the media gives us nowadays is that you shouldn't want to lose weight and wanting to lose weight is unhealthy. Do you know what? Some people may disagree with me but if you want to lose weight you go ahead and do that. So long as it's a healthy amount and you go about it in a healthy way then go for it. It's nobody else's business. And don't let anyone convince you that you need a reason to want to change the way you look. The only reason you need is 'because I want to.' 

 Feeling confident about yourself and the way you look is so crucial when you get older and you should be able to feel and do whatever you want in order to achieve that confidence. 
 Stop comparing yourself to other people and stop commenting on other people's bodies because we're all different and pointing out other people's body shapes only makes us all feel more insecure. 

 And please don't ever use the words: skinny, fat, huge, anorexic, or disgusting to describe anyone's body because its disrespectful and dangerous to use that terminology... and really mean. 

Chloe x. 

Learning To Cope With Change.

One thing I have learned over my few years on this planet is that happiness isn't permanent. As much as we wish it could be, it doesn't exist all of the time. Happiness is something we get glimpses of. It's what we make memories out of and we store it picture frames or in a diary or even in scrap books made of Polaroids and train tickets etc. Life is cruel and our snippets of happiness are all we have to get through it. It's a pretty pessimistic outlook to have on life, I know. But it's the only conclusion I have ever come to that seems to make an sense to me. 

 The main cause of emotional pain for me is our lack of control over the people around us. Of course, no one would want to control other people but our lack of influence over the decisions the people we love make leaves us vulnerable. We are open to wounds, human beings aren't physically or mentally bullet proof and there is very little we can do to protect ourselves. Falling in love is something we're programmed to do. Ever since I was a child it was apparent to me that in life you find a partner and you get married and you live happily ever after. Obviously as you grow up you realise things get a little bit more complicated than that and people aren't always the hansom prince you pictured when you were a kid. And it's cruel when you fall for the wrong person. It hurts and you have to put all the little pieces of your broken soul back together again; it's exhausting and painful. 

For me, what is even crueler than this is the stories you hear of people falling for the right person at the wrong time. Falling for someone who is in a completely different stage in their life than you are is the hardest thing. Your opportunities are different. Your time is filled with different priorities and different stresses. No matter how much you want to make it work there are a million little bumps in the road just waiting to trip you up and break you down. Even if you find the right person, they could still leave. If it's the wrong time, they probably will leave. 

 The hardest thing to come to terms with is that it's not you. You can do everything right and love them with every fiber of your being and it still wont be enough because things change, people need to learn and to grow and to travel and sometimes people get left behind. Sadly, no matter how much you love somebody and no matter how much they love you, they have to put their feelings first and yours can't always come into consideration. 

 So where am I going with this... The main thing I want you to take from reading this is that things will change. Even if you think everything is perfect as it is and you could live your whole life the way you are currently living. Things will change. Pieces always fall out of place like the leaves fall off the trees and you lose people, you gain people. People will fall out of love with you and it's not always apparent why. People change their minds. You have to learn to exist as you are. Not alone, just for your individuality and what you can offer. 

 And it's hard. If somebody gave you a huge stone. A massive, strong piece of rock that you thought was indestructible; it's human nature and instinct to pile the rest of your stones on top of it because it can hold the weight and keep everything together. But what happens if someone takes it away again? Your whole life collapses and you have to pick everything up and make sense of it again. What I'm saying is that you have to build up each fragment of your life to stand on its own. Don't plan your future around somebody that you think will always be there. Don't make important choices under that influence. Plan your future around yourself because it's yours. You have to put your feelings first because nobody else will. 

 People need to grow. Sometimes that means that the people closest to you have to disappear for a while. I'm pretty sure than when caterpillars have to build their cocoon and transform themselves, they can't take their friends with them. Or their lovers or whatever. I know they're caterpillars but you get my drift. It doesn't mean you're not loved and that's the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn. People say this all the time but if you love someone you have to let them go. That's so difficult when every natural instinct tells you to cling to whatever makes you happy for dear life and never ever let it go. You have to trust that if it's something you need, it will come back to you. If that person is supposed to be in your life, they will always come back. A line off of my dearest Taylor Swift's new album reads "When you're young you just run but you come back to what you need..." and I think she's right. You always come back to what matters the most. 

 Another lesson I have had to learn is that it is more than okay to hurt. It's alright to not be able to cope with something. It doesn't mean you're not strong. It doesn't mean you can't carry on. It's alright to want someone to stay. It's alright to want to fall to your knees sobbing and beg them not to leave you. It's alright to fall into a melancholic heap on your bathroom floor, bawling your eyes out, listening to Taylor Swift's "Last Kiss" on repeat and ending up with eyes swollen to the size of golf balls to the extent that you cannot put your make up on in the morning. It's alright to want someone to cuddle you to sleep at night. So long as you don't live every second that way. You can't allow other people's choices about their futures destroy yours. 

 You have a future too so set yourself goals. The next few years of my life are going to be the complete opposite of what I expected and so the only goals I'm left with are my A Levels so that's what I have to focus on now. And that's okay. I'm going to be starting at a new college, meeting new people so I get to have a fresh start too. Just with different people than I expected. Instead of focusing on what isn't going to be in your life anymore, think about what will be. Think about all the amazing things you could do. You don't need someone else to exist as yourself. You don't need someone else. 

 Being left behind can leave you with a serious case of Pistanthrophobia and I am no exception to this. That's perfectly okay so long as you can trust yourself. You can't rely on other people to make you happy so learn to laugh on your own. It's totally okay to eat alone in public. It's okay to go for walks alone, or drives, or even sit at school alone. You have to be able to stand on your own to reach your full potential as a human being; once you can do those things alone, it doesn't matter so much when you get left behind. You seem to know how to exist as you are. 

 Despite this feeling of sehnsucht that I will undoubtedly be battling with for a very long time, I don't feel too pessimistic about my future. I know I can get good GCSE results and A Level results which is what I have decided to focus on now. 

 My task for anyone dealing with change is just to imagine the life you want, that doesn't mean imagining what your life was like before the change. Set yourself goals as to what you want to achieve and achieve it. You can do whatever you want in life. If other people can make choices that effect you without considering the impact it will have on you then you must do the same thing. Consider nobody else's happiness but yours. It sounds rather selfish doesn't it? Human beings are selfish but the selfish ones seem to be the happiest from what I've seen. 

 Positive thinking is key when losing somebody. Rather than thinking about what the negative impacts on your life will be, think of the positives. The things you will both be able to experience. Seeing new things, learning new lessons, meeting new people. There's always light at the end of the tunnel, some tunnels are just longer than others. 

 That was a lot to take in. I'll leave you with a picture of a happy alpaca:)