I Wasn't Sure What To Write About This Week

Isn't it funny how we tend to jinx ourselves by looking forward to things? It's life's cruelest sense of irony that excitement ultimately leads to disappointment. We build things up in our minds to such levels of perfection that reality's result can only be inadequate. 

 I think I've done this to myself in every aspect of my life at the minute. 

Our new house was meant to be this wonderful palace of freedom and contentment. Instead I feel trapped in this tiny village, excluded from my friends and forgotten. I'm pushed into a box room of self reflection without much good to reflect on. 

My post A Level summer was meant to be memorable and full of amazing experiences. I was going to have a lovely holiday, hang out with friends, read so many books. Instead I have no money, I cannot travel to see any friends, I cannot pay for a day out let alone a holiday. So instead I'll sit at home alone and look at everyone else's amazing summer on Instagram.

I was going to save so much money over the next three years by studying at home in my awesome, quirky new room that was going to be decorated with my favourite quotes and aspirations. Instead I cannot stand my home so much that I'm going to be thrust into whatever student halls they have left over-

 I am running out of things to write about because, honestly, there's not a lot going on at the moment. I am not sure why the handful of you read this blog, but I can only apologise for this week's lack of optimism. Things just haven't gone the way I planned. 

 I'm a little lonely, I don't really have any girlfriends I can hangout with. In fact I don't remember the last time I had any proper girl time. I haven't even got a sufficient job to go to yet, although I hopefully will start one tomorrow. Without much to do, there isn't much to stimulate thought.

 I'm currently reading another Agatha Christie and I have loads more books to get through but, right now, even reading can't make this sense of nothing go away. 

 I've been very aware the last few years of how much 'teenager stuff' I have missed out on due to the fact I struggle with socialising. I feel like this summer will be the pinnacle of missed opportunities so I hope you can forgive me for being ultimately miserable. 

 I'll try and find a good book to review for next week.